“I did escape.”
“And the lashings?”
“The punishment for being unsuccessful—twice.”
“Twice?” she said, barely concealing her horror. “Two times they did that to you and you still tried again?”
He nodded. “I was on theGrenadaeighteen months before I managed to get away. That’s where I met John Landis. And, Alex, I would have tried a fourth and fifth time if the third had not been successful.”
Alexis dropped her head to the pillow and at the same time moved the hand that had been resting on his shoulder across his chest so her entire arm lay against his skin. “Then you know I will try to escape.”
It was not a question but he confirmed it anyway. “Yes,” he said softly.
“But you will still try to hold me.”
“Yes.”
“Because you think you love me.” The words were forced out slowly with a pause caused by the word she did not want to say.
“Because I know I love you.” His response was quick, sure, no hesitation.
She shivered in spite of the warmth of his flesh. “You will still take me to bed, knowing it may be the last time each time?”
“Yes.” He waited as she moved closer to him; her head rested on his shoulder now and her leg intertwined with his.
When she was quiet he said, “And you will still allow me to make love to you, knowing it will be more difficult for you to let it be the last time.”
“Yes.”
They were silent. She listened to the sound of his ship cutting through the water outside while she felt the pulsing of his heart against his chest with her arm. They were perfectly synchronized, she thought, and wondered why it surprised her. He was at home here. He belonged with this ship. She was the one displaced, the piece that did not fit, the one who had to leave before she could belong to him, to anyone, to anything.
“Take me now, Cloud.” Her voice cut through the silence, shattering it with its intensity, its desperation, its frustration. The only thing absent from her voice, absent from everything she would do from now on, was confusion. She knew what she wanted. She was more sure of it than ever before. The thought of her liberty burned into her brain even as Cloud was branding her, chaining her with invisible white-hot shackles as his mouth moved along her throat.
Their coupling was fierce this time and finished sooner. For each the intensity was greater, the desperation more obvious, and the frustration intolerable until they reached climax. It was as if the qualities of her voice which had snapped the silence had taken possession of their bodies and demanded physical expression.
When it was over she saw she had added new scratches to his back and he had caused the wound on her shoulder to open again. It frightened Alexis because it seemed to be proof that their relationship was fated to hurt them. She looked to Cloud and, finding her fears not mirrored, selfishly took the reassurance he offered.
“I have to be going on deck,” he told her after he had bandaged her shoulder.
“So do I.” She saw he was about to protest and she cut him off, placing a finger to his lips. “I have work to do. I had a good rest last night although it was cut short this morning in a rather spectacular manner.” She pulled her finger away when he caught it between his teeth. She smiled at the sound of his laughter, spontaneous and unrestrained.
“Then you are back to being the cabin boy?” he asked lightly, forcing himself to hide the effort it took to ask the question.
“Yes, when we are with others,” she replied. “But Cloud, never, never when we’re alone.”
He nodded and helped her on with her shirt, taking delight for the first time in fastening buttons. While she braided her hair and washed her face, he dressed. She was ready first and sat in a chair, smiling, as he put on the boots she had polished so furiously. He noticed her gaze and returned her smile. “I never did tell you what a fine job you did.”
They went to the door together but she hesitated before she opened it.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
She laughed. “I was thinking: what if anyone sees us leaving together?”
“And?”
“We’d only be confirming what they saw as inevitable all along.”
Cloud grinned and kissed her forehead. She opened the door and they went out together to face the others as cabin boy and captain.
