"Because I'm straight?" The words come out before I can stop them, because there's this small part of me that needs to get the message across loud and clear.
Between Devon and the Reddit guy, I can't exactly tell what's going on lately. Do I… give off avibeor something? I don't really mind if I do, I just… don't want to be misleading.
Devon snorts. "What? No. Because you're a prude."
My eyebrows shoot up. "I'm not a prude."
"Oh, really? I must have hallucinated you blushing for fifteen minutes when I said you were hot."
I inhale sharply, waiting for my brain to come up with some witty comeback. It doesn't. "That's… different."
"How is it different?"
"It just is!"
Hendrix is getting impatient. "KISS KISS!"
The team's noticed now, Becker's face lighting up with evil glee. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" he starts chanting.
Jinx joins in immediately. "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"
Then Snooze, then Groover, then Petrov, until the entire fucking bar is chanting, and I'm going to die right here behind this bar and they'll write on my tombstone "Murdered by Peer Pressure and a Parrot."
Devon holds up his hands, trying to talk over the noise. "Guys, come on. This is—"
"KISS KISS!" Hendrix is screeching at full volume now, flapping his wings aggressively, and I'm pretty sure if we don't do this he's going to start biting.
The chanting gets louder.
I look at Devon. He looks at me.
"Fine." I turn to glare at Hendrix. "You win. You happy? But you really are a bully. The worst kind of bully. A tiny feathered dictator."
"Kiss kiss," Hendrix says, somewhat calmer now, victorious.
Devon runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up. "Oh, well. The things you do for charity."
"This isn't charity, this is blackmail."
"Just—" He gestures vaguely. "Let's get it over with."
The bar's gone quiet now, everyone watching, waiting. My entire team. Random patrons. Mama Paws is probably filming this from somewhere.
This is fine. Everything's fine. It's just a kiss. Just a stupid, utterly awkward, utterly performative kiss because a bird is holding us hostage, which is probably the dumbest thought I've ever had, but somehow it describes reality.
I step closer. Devon steps closer.
We're standing maybe a foot apart now, and I can smell his aftershave. He's at least six inches shorter than me. I have to look down to meet his eyes, and he has to tilt his head up.
"Ready?" he asks.
Absolutely not, but I nod anyway.
We lean in.
His lips touch mine, and my first thought is:This is weird.
Not, like,awful-weird. Just... weird.
