I laugh out loud. There's something refreshing about the honesty. No fake altruism, just straight-up "you owe me now."
I can respect that.
Need_Tailor_Chicago:You got it.
I check the time—midnight. I was fully prepared to pull an all-nighter on this, maybe sacrifice a goat to the patron saint of holiday haberdashery. Instead, I'll get a full night's sleep. Probably my last until New Year's.
All thanks toOnlyNewRadicals_69.
I look at the username again. It's ridiculous.
Need_Tailor_Chicago:What's wrong with the old ones?
OnlyNewRadicals_69:Huh?
Need_Tailor_Chicago:The old radicals. Your nickname?
OnlyNewRadicals_69:Oh. I see. Not only do you do things last minute, you're also uncultured.
Need_Tailor_Chicago:???
OnlyNewRadicals_69::D j/k. New Radicals. It's a band, check them out. They slap harder than dick against dick. Unless you need an explanation for the 69 as well?
I choke on absolutely nothing.
Dick against dick.
This person just typed that. Just sent that to a complete stranger on Reddit. With zero hesitation.
Some people are just batshit crazy, I swear.
Need_Tailor_Chicago:I think I got that part, but thanks :)
OnlyNewRadicals_69:Aight, gotta bounce, duty calls. GL with your suit, or whatever!
I sit there for a second, staring at the conversation, hoping the tailor is significantly less crazy than her kid's roommate. Or maybe I hope she's exactly this crazy. I haven't decided yet.
I close my laptop and pick up my phone to check that damn group chat.
Another fifty new messages. In five minutes.
Fifty. Messages. Five. Minutes.
I pull up the members list and immediately understand why. Becker's invited literally everyone. The entire team. Coach Martin. The bar staff. Some names I don't even recognize.
Becker has no chill and apparently no concept oftargeted communication.
I try to skim through the messages but they're coming in faster than I can read. It's like trying to drink from a fire hose. A fire hose made of chaos and enthusiasm and far too many emojis.
I catch snippets:
Washington:We should swing by the shelter tomorrow after practice, see if there's anything we can handle ourselves. Celeste, is 5 PM okay?
Celeste:Oh, honey, of course. But only if you have time. Please don't feel like you need to. You boys are already doing so much.
Aww. She's so sweet it makes my teeth hurt.
Wall:Ma'am, stop talking crazy
