Deena stared at their joined hands. “I don’t know how to answer that without saying things I’m not ready to admit.”
Selina squeezed once. “Tell me one true thing. Just one.”
Deena swallowed.
How can I tell her or anyone the truth?
Deena knew how much her brother and his wife wanted her to marry and live a normal life, but there was just no hope for her in society anymore.
Selina’s smile barely hid her disappointment.
“Selina, I?—”
“No, I’m sorry. I’m being pushy again. You do not have to talk if you’re not comfortable, Deena. But I’d love to say this to you: you are so loved and valued by me and your brother. There is nothing more we want but for you to be happy.”
Deena felt comforted by Selina’s words.
“I love you and Dominic, too.”
“We know… I just always longed for you to be with us, ever since Dominic told me about you. In all the years when you were hiding in Paris,” Selina said quietly. “Years when you were trying not to feel anything at all.”
Deena’s eyes stung. “I’m still trying.”
“And failing,” Selina said without judgment.
Deena gave a small, helpless laugh. “Great, I failed at trying too!”
Selina leaned back, studying her. “Do you want to keep failing? Or do you want to let yourself feel whatever this is…even if it terrifies you?”
“I do not know what ‘this’ is,” Deena whispered. “I don’t know what you expect from me.”
“You should be asking yourself that, darling.”
Her words pierced straight through.
Deena closed her eyes and thought about the letter lying in her dressing table drawer. It always surprised her that something as simple as a piece of paper struck great fear in her.
Silence wrapped around them, soft and patient until Selina spoke again, more gently. “You don’t have to decide everything today. But you do have to start opening up. And I believe that you have been opening up a little to the Duke of Windemere, whether you admit it or not. You have carried everything alone for so long, Deena. People cannot help you if they do not know what you are carrying.”
Deena opened her eyes. “I’m afraid if I tell anyone, even you, I’ll lose control of it.”
“You won’t lose control,” Selina said. “You will share the weight. There is a difference.”
Deena looked away, afraid that Selina would see right through her. “What if the weight is too heavy? What if the truth is…too messy?”
“Then we’ll clean it up together,” Selina said simply. “That’s what family does.”
Deena felt the first hot prick of tears as she turned to Selina and smiled. “I’m afraid, Selina.”
Selina’s eyes softened. “Oh, Dee, that’s normal. We all must do things we’re afraid to do to grow.”
Selina reached out again, this time taking both of Deena’s hands.
“You make it sound so easy,” Deena whispered as her sister-in-law held her hands gently.
“It’s not,” Selina admitted. “But it is worth it. Every terrifying, messy, beautiful bit of it.”
Deena looked at their joined hands and briefly thought about sharing with Selina, but that would mean opening up to Dominic, too.
