“You…” He took a deep breath and turned away from his wife. “You have no idea what it is like to live with someone who hates you so deeply, and then throws herself off a balcony.” His voice was quiet. “It was unbearable, but Itried.I tried to care for her, even though that was the last thing she wanted. On that dreadful morning, I spoke to her and tried to convince her to…”
He stopped suddenly as pain lanced through him. The vivid memory of her standing on the balcony with a crazed smile was burned into his mind. “I do not know what exactly I said that drove her to do the unthinkable, but I know I said something that caused it. The more time I spend with you… and Percy…” he shook his head. “I will simply hurt both of you the way I hurt her.”
Selina looked at him, her eyes full of compassion that felt worse. He did not want to see her eyes go cold and angry, like Eugenia’s. “Neither of us would do something like that,” she said softly.
“You say that now, but you have been married to me for less than a month. She was married to me for five years before I drove her to that point.” He shook his head and moved past her. He felt like he was suffocating, and his only hope of breathing again was leaving this room.
He put his hand on the doorknob before facing her again. “Enjoy breakfast. I will not disturb you.”
“No,” she said, sadness flickering over her face. “Please do not leave.”
He hated the sight of her sadness, but that alone was enough to tell him that he was destined to fail her and Percy. “I apologize,” he said. “Last night, I broke our original agreement by taking you to bed. That was my mistake.”
“A mistake?” Her voice broke slightly, and his chest tightened at the sound of it, but he strengthened his resolve.
“Yes, it was a mistake. I should not have gotten involved with you intimately. I should have known better. Percy is our priority,” he said. “If we complicate our relationship, then we risk him getting caught in the middle. From now on, we must adhere to the original agreement. I can satisfy my basic needs at my own pace, and I suggest you do the same. It will be best if we forget what happened last night.”
She simply stared at him, looking like she was at a loss for words. Tears gathered in her eyes. “Do not give up on us,” she said, hervoice cracking. “Please. You have made me feel cared for and protected. Do not take that away from me.”
“Can you not understand? I amtryingto protect you and Percy. Do not pretend you would be happier with me than living an independent life. You did not even want to marry me!”
How could she not see the truth of the matter? He would never be the man she wanted him to be. The sooner she accepted it, the better off they would all be. “We do not need to be lovers. We have duties to fulfill. You, as a duchess, and I, as a duke. It will be best for both of us to not lose sight of the original arrangement.”
A tear slipped down her face. “What if I want more? What if I want you as my husband? Properly.”
His chest clenched at the thought. His longing for her was overwhelming, but he suppressed it because he knew it was impossible. “I have already ruined my family once,” he said softly. “I will not make that mistake again. It will be best for both of us to live separate lives.”
He could not stand looking at her stricken expression anymore, so he left the room and slammed the door behind him. Her sobs echoed through the hall as he walked quickly away.
This is for the best.He did not completely believe himself. Why did this decision hurt so much if it was the right thing to do?
He took a deep breath as he entered his study, even though he knew he was in no state to work at the moment. He was too cross with himself to be able to do that.
He knew he could not fulfill the role she wished for him. If he tried to insert himself further into Percy’s life, then he would just damage his relationship with Percy further, and that was the last thing he wanted. He was better off taking direction from Selina. Not him.
I will not fail my son. Not again.
Twenty-Five
Selina was angry and embarrassed after her argument with Dominic. She felt silly for falling into bed with him, only for him to call it a mistake.
She was too upset to finish breakfast, so instead she went to her own room and quickly dressed. She only felt a little better when she was wearing her own clothing instead of Dominic’s dressing robe.
She stared down at the dressing robe, remembering feeling so happy as she put it on that morning. Memories of the night before plagued her, as she remembered the way he set her body on fire with his touch.
How did it get so complicated so quickly?
She sighed, knowing she needed to do something to distract herself. Not wanting her negative emotions to rub off on Percy,she decided to leave his care up to the nanny for the day and instead went to the kitchen.
The cook and scullery maids all froze when she entered and gave her curtsies. “Begging your pardon, Your Grace,” the cook said. “But if you would like to bake, then I would prefer it if you waited until after dinner was served. There is a lot of work to be done before then.”
“Then let me help,” Selina said. “Please. I can chop vegetables or wash dishes. Something to keep my hands busy.”
Very reluctantly, the cook gave her a small basket of potatoes. “These must be peeled and sliced in half,” she said.
“That is perfect, thank you,” Selina said, giving her a smile of appreciation before grabbing a spare apron and taking her work into the servant’s dining room, which was next to the kitchen. The room was currently empty, so she would not make any of the staff uncomfortable in there. Besides, she just needed some time alone so she could think.
She peeled potatoes quickly and expertly as she fumed. “Heaven forbid a man takes an interest in his son’s life,” she muttered under her breath. Why was he so reluctant to involve himself in the life of his own child, whom he clearly loved very much?
