Crazy thing was, the ache in my heart was the worst part.
You tried to leave him.
Rowen didn’t say anything at first; he just dropped his forehead to mine and breathed with me. His hands glided up my body gently, like he was afraid to break me. They shook—I felt it—like he couldn’t believe what he’d just done, like he wasn’t ready to let me go and see the aftermath.
He lay down next to me and grabbed my face, and then he kissed me, hard and desperate.
“I’d lose my goddamn mind if I lost you,” he whispered between soft kisses across my face, his voice breaking, his thumbs brushing my face. “I’m sorry, baby.Fuck. I’m so sorry.”
I didn’t answer him, didn’t trust my voice, wasn’t sure I could speak right now without cracking.
“I just—” He kissed my jaw, then my throat, then my chest, moving between my legs again, but my body was too tired to react. “You ran, Av. You fucking ran, and all I saw was red. I thought I lost you for good.”
His mouth was nearly between my legs, his kisses still gentle, so careful, I almost sobbed from the contrast. One second, I was his filthy whore—his fucktoy—and the next, I was everything to him.
And, God help me, I enjoyed every bit of it.
“You belong to me,” he said again. “You don’t get to disappear. You don’t get to leave me.”
Tears slipped down my cheeks as he slipped two fingers inside me, and I gasped, the soreness between my legs overwhelming.
But he didn’t stop.
He whispered sweet nothings, reminding me he loved me and would do anything for me while he stroked the spot that made my thighs shake.
I closed my eyes, savoring the gentle love.
Rowen ate me on the forest floor, physically and metaphorically. When he finished, he carried me back home, half-naked and completely ruined.
He was so gentle, holding me like I was the most precious thing he’d ever touched.
I wanted to hate him for what he’d done, for the way he’d fucked me up and made me need him. I wanted to scream at him, tear him apart, and tell him he had no right to love me this way, not after that.
But I couldn’t help the way my heart beat faster when he squeezed me tightly. So, I buried my face in his neck, my body melting into him even though every inch of me throbbed, feeling safe despite the hurt.
He sat me down in the bathroom and started the bath then grabbed our softest towels and put them in the towel warmer he’d surprised me with weeks ago.
I tried to stand and get in the tub, but Rowen was there.
“Don’t push yourself, baby,” he said, getting in before me and helping me ease into the water.
When my ass landed on the bottom, I winced, and he flinched, like he felt it too.
He grabbed a soft cloth and dipped it in the water. He ran it down my arms, over my chest, between my thighs, careful everywhere I was raw. Every stroke was a word, an emotion he didn’t know how to say. Every kiss he pressed to my temple was another broken apology.
“I don’t know how to love you gently, Av,” he whispered against my shoulder. “But I’m trying. For you, I’ll try.”
Idried her off carefully before carrying her to the bed.
She didn’t fight me anymore, but she’d stopped clinging to me like I was her lifeline. She was quiet, watching me with those soft brown eyes. Her thighs were still trembling, skin hot and pink from the bath, eyes puffy from crying.
I lay her down gently, wincing with her as her body met the mattress.
You did that.
After tucking the blanket around her, I sat beside her, pressing my forehead to her bare shoulder, grateful she didn’t move away.
“You’re the only thing that keeps me sane,” I whispered, breathing her in. “If you ever leave me,” my voice was still low, barely audible, “I’ll still find you…even if it’s years from now. Even if you try to forget me. Even if you find someone else.”
