“Now you know how it feels to be tied up and unsure,” she whispered. “To have no control over what happens next.”
She was crying now. I could hear it in the way her voice shook. It cut through me, hurting more than anything I’d ever experienced.
“I’m hopelessly in love with you,” I said, taking a deep breath and lying against the headboard. “I didn’t tell you because I was afraid you’d say no, afraid you’d see how badly I wanted it and decide it was too much for you to handle. Once I started, I couldn’t just tell you. I had to keep it secret because I knew you’d look at me like I was sick.”
“Youaresick,” she choked out.
The silence that followed almost broke me.
“Avery,” I begged. “Please. I need to see you. Let me fix this. I can fix it.Let me fix it.”
Her footsteps got closer. “The worst part is I still don’t want to leave, even after knowing everything.” Her sniffles were hard to listen to, each one a stab to the gut. “Maybe I’m the sick one.” I felt the bed dip. “You make me feel like I’m losing myself, but I’m scared of who I am without you.”
I licked my lips. “I love you even if you hate me. Even if you leave me cuffed to this bed forever. Even if you fucking hurt me. You’re it for me, Avery. I have nothing if I don’t have you.” My throat tightened. “Please don’t leave me. You have every piece of me, even the ones I swore I’d never let anyone see. So believe me when I say, I’ll never let you go.”
I felt her hand on my chest, right over her name. Her fingers trembled. Then, the blindfold came off.
When I opened my eyes, she was staring at me with eyes full of fury and heartbreak. Love was tangled in there too, fighting to break through.
We were both sick.
But we were sick for each other.
Rowen’s eyes were bloodshot and wild, locked on mine.
I stared at his chest, at all the permanent reminders he’d always been mine. His breath stalled when I traced the letters of my name, let them fall to count the scars across his ribs.
Tiny goosebumps appeared on his skin, and I smiled to myself. By the time I met his gaze again, my heart was beating out of my chest.
I started to lean forward, my eyes flicking down to his lips. He anticipated the kiss, dragging his tongue across his bottom lip in preparation.
Just before we made contact, I stopped. “I’ll never let you go either.”
He looked up at me like I was the only thing keeping him alive. Cuffed. Vulnerable. He was shaking, his hands flexing like he was itching to touch me, hold me.
I should have felt triumph. Maybe peace.
Instead, I felt like I’d been cracked open.
“I can’t think when I’m around you, though,” I whispered, more to myself than to him. “Everything gets…foggy. Like I disappear, and all that’s left is who you want me to be.”
“Avery.” He sat up, tugging at the cuffs again. “Don’t do this.”
“I shouldn’t forgive you,” I went on, my voice shaking, throat tightening. “You’ve been lying to me about different things from the very beginning. The maze at the club. Michael. Your obsession. Then this. You hid things from me.” I tried swallowing my emotions down. “You don’t know how to love, Rowen. All you do is devour like a—like amonster.”
“Ineedyou,” he growled, struggling harder now. “I’ve never needed anyone before…” He paused, looking down for a moment before his gaze shot back to mine so suddenly, I jumped. “You think I’m a monster? Fine. I’ll be your goddamn monster.” He was breathing hard. “But remember…you’re the one who made me this way.”
I stared him down, chest tight, tears forming again.
“I don’t want to leave you,” I admitted. “But a part of me does want you to suffer.”
His eyes widened just enough for me to notice. “Avery…”
“It doesn’t even make sense, does it?” I tilted my head. “That I want to punish you for what you did to me, yet I still want you? That I want to ruin you the way you ruined me?”
He shook his head. “No, baby. Please don’t do any—”
“Ishouldhate you,” I cut in, shaking my head. “But I don’t. I just want you broken.” I paused for effect. “For me.”
