For once she hadn’t come into our room.
‘I whispered at Ruby to go. I felt bad, but I wanted to go back to sleep,’ she says. ‘I saw Ruby leave and then I must have dropped off.’
My heart sinks when I think of Julia. What was she arguing with Selena about at that time of the morning? Did she already know that Nathan was Ruby’s real father? Did she push Selena in a fit of anger? Of jealousy? But that can’t be right. Julia wouldn’t do that. Would she? Julia is sensible, level-headed. She’s not prone to emotional outbursts. She thinks with her head, not her heart. Nevertheless, I feel unnerved by Amelia’s words.
My mind is reeling. I don’t know what to think. ‘Did you … did you say anything to the police or Rachel about this?’
She hesitates. ‘Well … no. Rachel asked where I was but I said me and Evie were in bed, which was true.’
I squeeze her hand. ‘Yes. It’s okay. But, honey, why didn’t you say before?’
‘I didn’t want to get Ruby or Julia into trouble. I thought you’d be cross with Ruby if you knew she wasn’t really ill and … I was worried it might have been her.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘Who pushed Selena.’
I frown. Is that what she’s been worried about this whole time? That Ruby killed Selena? The idea is ludicrous. ‘Oh, honey, Ruby wouldn’t have done that. What makes you say it?’
‘Because she lied. About where she was. She never told anyone that she was upstairs.’
‘She’s only seven. She would have been worried about getting into trouble, that’s all. She probably wanted to see where her mother was. Selena shouldn’t have left her.’ If only she’d stayed in her own bed that night instead of wandering around meeting Dean, if that’s what she’d been doing. I frown. But Dean was blackmailing her. They weren’t lovers, like I’d first thought, so she probably hadn’t been with him. So where had she been? What really happened in those early hours before she was found at the bottom of the stairs?
Amelia adds, ‘And Ruby gave me a letter she’d found. It was written to Selena. It sounded a bit threatening and I didn’t know what to do with it. Ruby told me I couldn’t show it to anyone as she’d get into trouble for reading it. So I hid it in your drawer.’
So that’s how the note had got there.
‘Thank you for being honest, Moo. You can always tell me anything, okay?’
She stands up. ‘Can I go now?’ she says. She doesn’t look like a child who’s just unburdened herself, and I worry that there is still something on her mind. Something else she’s keeping from me.
38
I survey Julia over lunch.
Ruby is chattering away to her – she’s a different child from the one who arrived with Selena. Julia says something to make her laugh and she gives a proper giggle. Mum is fussing around them, a role she excels in, dishing out cheese and ham sandwiches. She’s happy – she’s humming a little tune to herself. Nathan, Amelia and Evie sit opposite Julia and Ruby, and my brother is watching his daughter with pure pleasure. The scene before me should fill me with delight but I feel only dread. I don’t want to believe it, of course I don’t, but it swills around my head, like coffee beans in a grinder:Did Julia already know that Nathan was Ruby’s father? And, if so, did she kill Selena so she could have all of this?
Selena was abusing her daughter. She wasn’t the woman I’d thought she was. She was despicable. Twisted. Sick. Quite frankly, Ruby’s better off without her. Yet my feelings for Selena can’t just be erased. She was part of my childhood. She deserved to be punished, yes, but not to die. She needed professional help. Julia makes people better, she helps them. She’s not a killer. Is she?
‘Earth to Kirsty.’
I jolt, realizing that someone’s talking to me. It’s Nathan. He’s grinning at me inanely.
‘Mum’s on a totally different planet,’ deadpans Amelia.
‘Sorry. I was miles away.’
‘Dreaming of Ryan Gosling again?’ teases Julia.
I try to smile back at her but it’s more of a grimace. I need to talk to her. I can’t just let this go. But if she admits it, do I hand her over to the police? Sensible, honest Kirsty, who’s always tried to do the right thing, to abide by the law. I’m already keeping Mum’s huge secret, and that’s one thing. Mum didn’t kill Uncle Owen. She helped shield Selena. But if Julia did push Selena down the stairs …
Julia gets up and comes over to me. ‘Are you okay?’ she asks gently, touching my arm.
‘I need to speak to you. Alone,’ I say, through clenched teeth. Her eyes widen in surprise but she addresses Nathan in what Amelia calls the fake-happy voice, telling him we’ll be back shortly.
We go into the living room. Adrian is still out on his run and I hope he doesn’t come back and interrupt us.
‘What’s this about?’ she asks. ‘You seem cross.’
