‘It’s okay,’ I say to her. ‘I’m okay now.’
‘You collapsed,’ she says matter-of-factly.
I pull a funny face to cheer her up. ‘It was my fault. Silly me. I forgot my inhaler.’
She chews her bottom lip. She has more colour in her cheeks now, but she’s still painfully thin. My girls are like whippets too, especially Amelia, who seems to have had a growth spurt. It’s more than just being thin, though – Ruby has that sickly pallor. Wan, I think it’s called. Although over the last day or so I’ve noticed more colour in her cheeks.
‘I thought the ambulance was for me,’ she says, biting her nails.
I’m not surprised. The poor child has seen more than her fair share of ambulances and hospitals. ‘Not for you, honey,’ I say, ‘not any more. You’re getting better now. Don’t you feel better?’
‘You certainly look better,’ adds Adrian, smiling at her encouragingly.
‘I do,’ she says seriously. ‘But Mummy said I’ll be ill for ever.’
‘Sometimes mummies are wrong,’ I say gently. ‘Aunty Julia is a doctor and she says you’re getting better.’
Ruby hugs her toy mouse to her and I can see that Selena’s name has evoked a painful memory. ‘No more ambulances?’
‘Hopefully not,’ I say, and see her relax. I catch Mum’s eye. If I didn’t know better I’d say her eyes were smarting with tears. But it must be my imagination, or a trick of the light, as she stands up, suddenly officious again. ‘Right, girls, let’s go upstairs and have a bath. How would you all like to sleep in the same room tonight? Like a giant sleepover?’
‘In our bedroom?’ asks Evie.
‘Yes. We’ll find a spare bed for Ruby. Now that she’s staying for a while we can all move into the attic, don’t you think, Kirsty?’
I smile at Mum gratefully.
Adrian told me Mum had found me. She’d gone looking for me when I didn’t return to the house. She’d called the ambulance and sat cradling me in her lap until it arrived.
Now she touches the duvet over my knee, tenderness on her face. She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to.
She ushers the girls out, although Amelia looks back a few times, as though checking I’m still in one piece. I smile at her. ‘I’ll be up to say goodnight soon,’ I promise.
When they’ve gone, Adrian sits beside me and takes my hand. ‘The police should be here soon.’
‘They’re taking their time,’ I say, glancing at the clock on the mantelpiece. ‘It’s been over half an hour since you called them. I’m worried.’
‘He’s not going to risk coming back tonight,’ says Adrian, tucking the duvet closer around me. ‘It’s nice being the one to look after you, for a change.’
I fight the urge to bat him away, then decide it doesn’t mean I’m weak if I give in to it for a few minutes. So I rest my head on his shoulder and admit to him how scared I was.
‘I want to fucking kill him!’ he says, into my hair.
I move away from him and laugh gently. The thought of Adrian hurting anyone is absurd. He’s never been in a fight in his life. Even at school he’d managed to talk his way out of conflict. Not because he has the gift of the gab – he doesn’t – but because he’s a natural peace-maker. He’s never had any violent tendencies – before or after his breakdown.
There’s a soft rapping on the front door and I stiffen, imagining that Dean has come back to kill us all.
‘It’ll be the police,’ says Adrian, getting up. ‘Don’t worry.’
My heart is pounding as he leaves the room. I can just about see him as he opens the door. He steps aside to let Rachel in. She’s beaming, her red hair almost bronze under the overhead light. With her porcelain skin, she resembles a beautiful statue.
‘It’s great news,’ she says, beaming widely. ‘We’ve caught Dean.’
37
I feel an overwhelming sense of relief. The threat that has been hanging over me – over us – all week has gone. I don’t think I’d realized, until now, how on edge I’ve been feeling, with Dean up in those mountains, watching us, biding his time, like a predator, until he was ready to pounce. Hopefully the police will charge him and we can get on with our lives as best we can.
I’m alone in the living room. I’ve sent Adrian to ask if Nathan’s okay. I haven’t seen him or Julia for hours. I’m not even sure they’re in the house. I feel drained after everything that’s happened and my eyelids are heavy …
