‘She’s in bed. She doesn’t want me to join her so Mum’s given me a key to Freesia.’
Dean’s room.I want to ask more – like will Julia forgive him. But it would be insensitive. And I’m not sure I’m ready to hear him tell me that Julia wants a divorce.
‘So you knew about this too, then?’ Mum says, her voice clipped, accusatory. She’s talking to me: she uses a different tone, with an edge there never is for Nathan.
‘I suppose you’re going to say that this is my fault too, aren’t you?’ I reply, without looking at her.
Nathan pushes back his stool. ‘I’m going to bed.’ He’s a bit unsteady on his feet.
Mum and I speak at the same time. ‘Will you be okay?’ I ask.
‘Shall I help you to your room?’ she says.
Irritation passes across Nathan’s face, like a storm cloud. ‘I’m fine. I just want to be on my own.’ He staggers from the room and we hear his heavy footsteps on the stairs.
Mum and I sit in silence, staring at the open door. Eventually Mum stands up. I notice her wine glass is also empty. She pulls her rose velour dressing-gown firmly around her waist. She’s lost a bit of weight, and seems small and frail in her nightwear.
‘You knew,’ I say, ‘about Nathan being Ruby’s father.’
Mum doesn’t answer but her face says it all.
‘Selena told you?’
‘She did. But not until recently.’ She rubs at her eyes. ‘The thing is, Selena scared me. She was so unpredictable. It was easy to see she was damaged from Aunt Bess’s abuse.’ She lowers her voice. ‘She killed her own father, for goodness’ sake! She was a time bomb waiting to explode. I thought if she came here I could talk some sense into her. I wanted to persuade her to go back to Nigel. He gave her the security she craved – she needed.’
‘But he was violent towards her?’
Mum groans. ‘No, he wasn’t. She lied about that too, just as she lied about everything else.’
‘How do you know?’
Mum takes a sip of wine. ‘Because she told me. She could never lie to me. Not for long, anyway. He was a big softy, apparently. That’s why I didn’t say anything to the police or advise them against asking him to come and get Ruby. He knew he wasn’t Ruby’s father but he didn’t care. He loved them both anyway. No, she left him because of a letter.’
‘A letter?’
My mind races and I think of my spare phone, which I found in Selena’s coat. I tell Mum about the conversation I’d read. ‘He mentions the letter. It must have been Nigel she was contacting. What sort of letter?’
‘She didn’t say.’ She replaces her wine glass. ‘It sounds like it was something to do with Ruby. It caused a big row. I think Ruby overheard some of it, according to Selena. Anyway, that’s why she left.’
I consider telling her Julia’s suspicions about Ruby’s health but decide against it. She looks exhausted.
She stands up. ‘Right, I’m off to bed.’ She bites her lip. ‘I hope Nathan’s okay. He’s not strong like you. He’s fragile. Those first years of his life, who knows what impact they had on him emotionally?’
It’s Saturday. Julia and Nathan are supposed to check out today, as is Janice. Not that we have any more bookings. The one we had for tonight has cancelled stating illness. I can’t help but think it’s due to the negative reviews.
The only people who have come down for breakfast are the girls, Ruby and Janice. I’m tired. Evie woke in the night and came into our room. This morning, though, she’d seemed amazed to find herself in our bed and said she couldn’t remember getting there. It’s become second nature – she does it nearly every night. On the odd night she doesn’t come into our bed it feels like a little triumph, the one shining jewel among rocks.
I’m still worried about Amelia, though. She picks at her breakfast while Evie devours her toast, and Ruby eats so quickly it’s as though she’s terrified her eggs will be taken away.
I’m bringing Janice her pot of tea when Nathan comes into the room. He has dark smudges under his eyes and still hasn’t shaved. He looks crumpled and worn down. He sits on a table behind the girls, with a good view, I notice, of Ruby. She’s sitting next to Evie and they’re giggling together. Every now and then Amelia rolls her eyes. Nathan is staring at Ruby as if he’s unable to believe she’s actually his. But now I can see the resemblance: the pointed chin, the dark blonde hair, the Hughes nose (which would have come from Selena), the dimple just above a full mouth. It’s uncanny. Why didn’t I notice it before?
Mum herds the girls away when they’ve finished and started messing about. I’m surprised to see how happy Ruby seems. To look at her you wouldn’t think she’d lost her mother only three days earlier.
When Mum and the girls have left the room, I pull out a chair opposite Nathan and sit down. I lean across the table so that Janice can’t hear. ‘Are you okay?’
‘I still can’t believe she’s mine. I mean, I know she is, but I just …’
I rest my hand on top of his. ‘I know.’
