‘Great. Well, see you later.’ He gives a weird salute and then, heaving the bag on to his shoulder, he leaves the room, his boot-shod feet heavy on the stairs.
I need someone to talk to. The dead flowers, Selena, Dean … I don’t want to burden Adrian so I go and find Mum.
She’s in the garden with the girls. The lawn is still wet, staining the leather toes of my tan boots. The netting of the trampoline is damp and strewn with cobwebs but Evie and Amelia don’t seem to mind as they jump up and down, squealing, the age gap forgotten, their breath like fog. Mum is cleaning out the rabbits, every so often turning to look at the children when they call her to watch a somersault. I wince every time Amelia flips over in the air. I’m terrified she’s going to break something.
Mum has a scarf around her neck and a gilet over her smart jumper. She’s kneeling on one of those padded gardening mats decorated with rosebuds.
‘Bedrooms all sorted?’ she asks, as I kneel beside her.
‘Yep. Nancy’s great. Really efficient. And Selena called. They’ll be home this afternoon. Ruby’s okay.’
Mum is visibly relieved. ‘Thank goodness.’
I hesitate. ‘Um. Bit weird, but Dean’s turned up, asking for a room.’
She whips around to me, a bag of dirty sawdust in her hand ‘Dean?’ Is it my imagination or does her face pale? She can’t possibly know who I’m talking about. She’d have met him only once or twice.
‘Dean Hargreaves. You probably don’t remember. He went out with Selena for a bit when they were about eighteen.’ He came between us, I want to say, remembering the party, Selena’s cutting words, Dean’s condescending gaze. But I don’t. It’s too long ago. It hardly matters any more.
She swallows and turns back to the rabbits. ‘Here?’ She’s trying to sound casual but I can tell something has shaken her.
‘Yes. Don’t you think it’s weird? He says he didn’t know Selena was staying but they must have arranged it. I saw her the other night. Outside. With a man. I bet that was him.’
‘Why would you assume it was Dean?’ she says, and I want to shake her. She’s not fooling me. She knows more about this, I can tell. She holds on to the wooden cage for support. Then she stands up and stretches her knees. I know they cause her trouble from time to time and I’m not sure if it’s this or the news I’ve just imparted that’s causing the distress she’s trying to hide.
‘I don’t want to sound unfeeling,’ I say, ‘but I can’t have all this drama going on under my roof. This is our opening weekend – and I’m worried about Adrian. I don’t want to cause him any stress. You know what his doctors said. It was only last year that he tried … that he …’ I’m trying to erase the image that’s stuck in my head of how I found him that day.
Mum’s auburn eyebrows come together. ‘No. You mustn’t bother Adrian with this.’
I take a deep breath of the cold air, trying to compose myself. ‘Do you think Dean’s here to cause trouble?’
Mum glances towards the girls. Amelia is helping Evie to do a forward roll. They’re oblivious to our conversation. Mum’s still holding the bag of rabbit droppings and wet sawdust. The cage is empty and I bend down to lay fresh bedding inside.
‘I don’t know,’ she says. She’s avoiding my eye.
‘If it was him she met in secret the other night, they might have arranged this rendezvous. She could have left her husband for Dean.’
‘You can’t jump to conclusions. It’s probably just a coincidence.’ She’s staring at the girls, but I can see it in her face. Panic.
‘I don’t believe it is,’ I say. My head is almost inside the cage, muffling my voice as I add, ‘And then there’s the flowers.’ I close the cage and stand up again.
‘Flowers?’
‘I’ve found bouquets of dead flowers on our doorstep.’
She blinks but doesn’t say anything.
‘It looks like they might have come from the churchyard next door, but we’ve been living here over six weeks now and the first lot arrived the same day as Selena. I can’t help but think there’s something in that.’
Mum lifts her shoulders, her expression grave. Her eyes go to the two rabbits in the run but she’s not really seeing them. She’s deep in thought.
‘And Nathan’s arriving this evening.’
Mum rounds on me, her face stern. ‘What’s Nathan got to do with it?’
‘Nothing.’ I back down. I can’t tell her he used to have a thing for Selena or that he and Julia aren’t getting on that well now they’re having trouble conceiving. It would make Mum cross even though she was the one who told me about Nathan’s marriage troubles. When Nathan and I do speak, the conversation is stilted. The easy way the four of us had with each other is gone.
Before, they would come up from Cardiff and stay with us in Twickenham, lavishing attention on Amelia and Evie, the perfect aunt and uncle. Nathan and Adrian bonded over their mutual love of Tottenham Hotspur and would sit for hours discussing the game. Then, when Adrian had his breakdown and was admitted to hospital, Nathan became distant. No phone calls, flowers or messages of concern, just silence. My brother has never been very good with emotions or feelings – he must have got that growing up with Mum. The brother-in-law he’d always been so close to had changed, turning into a near-stranger. I might have understood it but I didn’t approve. I tried to convince Nathan to get in touch with Adrian, that he – and I – would really appreciate it. I know Adrian missed their football chats. But Nathan never called.
