Adrian is on his back, one arm slung across his eyes, snoring gently, his naked chest rising and falling, the duvet pulled up to his waist. I turn on to my side, but my mind is racing with thoughts of Selena and the conversation we’d had earlier.
After she told me she’d left Nigel I tried to press her on her plans, but she clammed up, proclaiming exhaustion, stepped daintily down from her stool and returned to her room. Now all I can think is that she’s not going to leave. That she has no other plans and will stay with us for the foreseeable future.
I try to reassure myself as I turn on to my other side, my back to Adrian. I know she’s family but she can’t stay with us indefinitely even if she is paying. And what about all the money she’s supposed to have? Does it all belong to her husband? If they get divorced, she’ll be eligible for a pay-off, won’t she? She could move into her own place. She’s got Ruby to think about. My heart is racing again at the thought that she and Ruby have nowhere else to go. This is what Selena is like: a hose on a vacuum cleaner, sucking everyone around her into her life.
And what happens when the other guests arrive? Mum and I will be busy. We won’t have time to worry about Selena. I keep thinking of the strangers who will descend on us tomorrow, filling some of the five bedrooms on the floor below. They could be anyone, paedophiles, murderers, psychopaths. Not for the first time since we embarked on this venture, I’m seized by anxiety. I want to wake Adrian, to share my worries with him. I always thought he was so strong.Before.An over-achiever, like me. I’d admired him. I’m no psychiatrist but I know I was attracted to Adrian because he shared the same qualities as the father I adored. Losing Dad when I was fourteen devastated me. I still miss him. I always will.
Before his breakdown, Adrian would have reassured me that everything was going to be okay. That we would sort it out together. As a team. But now everything is left up to me. Before Selena turned up, like an ex at a wedding, the only thing I feared was something happening to my girls. There are other niggles, of course – lack of money, living and working with my critical mother – but I can shrug them off because there’s nothing I can do about them.
I stiffen. There’s a noise coming from below. I sit bolt upright, straining my ears, heart thumping. Is Evie sleepwalking again? But it goes quiet, just the rhythmic sounds of Adrian’s breathing. I’m about to lie down when I hear it again. A thud and a bang. I spring out of bed. I pull a cardigan from the chair by the door and wrap it around me. I dart into the girls’ bedroom, exhaling with relief when I see they’re both tucked up, fast asleep. Amelia’s a messy sleeper – she’s kicked off the duvet, is muttering as she dreams. Evie is in the same position as she was when I checked on her earlier, the duvet up to her chin, her smooth, plump cheek on her pillow. I can’t resist going over to them both and planting kisses on their foreheads. I should get a lock on their door. All the guest bedrooms have keys, but up here we’re vulnerable without some kind of security device. It doesn’t seem right. Yet it seems equally wrong to ask the girls to lock themselves into their room at night. Why didn’t I think of this before? Why didn’t I consider the reality of having strangers living with us in our house?
I’m on the landing when I hear something else. Footsteps, I’m sure of it. The creak of a door, perhaps. It’s coming from below. It must be Selena. It has to be. No one else is downstairs, apart from Ruby. Maybe she’s ill. I need to check. I creep down the first flight, fumbling for the handrail so that I don’t fall. There is more light on the next landing, thanks to the picture window. I can see the dark swell of the mountains behind a field of sheep. It’s no longer raining and the night is clear, with a half-moon in the sky.
When I glance down I have a view of the front: I can see our Honda and Selena’s SUV. And something else. Something moving across our driveway, nippy and animalistic. It looks like a man on all fours. My heart picks up speed again and I press my nose to the glass. There is definitely a man on our driveway. He’s bending down behind the bonnet of Selena’s car and keeps peering around it to look at the house. Should I ring the police? I’m frozen with fear. His features are in shadow and he’s wearing a dark baseball cap pulled down over his face. His lean frame is swamped in a black Puffa jacket. From his clothes I would say he’s youngish, but without seeing his face I can’t tell.
Cold air brushes my ankles. I move away from the window and peer over the banister. The front door is open, knocking slightly in the wind. What the hell is going on? Just as I’m about to flee back to the attic to wake Adrian and call the police, I notice a flash of white outside. An angel in a long gown is walking towards the man. I take a closer look. It’s Selena.
What is she doing outside? She’s putting herself in danger. She looks like she’s confronting this man. He stands up from his crouched position and rushes towards her, grabbing her arms almost aggressively. She’s being attacked! I need to call the police. But then, to my surprise, she reaches up and touches his face tenderly. She knows him. This is so typical of Selena. I knew she wouldn’t have changed that much. She’s here, meeting men in the middle of the night. Some secret rendezvous. She’d better not invite him in.
And then she turns back to the house, her face worried, a perfect pale oval in the light of the moon. She pauses, swivels round so her back is to me again and starts gesticulating. Is she telling him to go? He pulls his cap further down over his face, thrusts his hands into his pockets and strides off. There is something familiar about his gait. She watches as he walks away, her back rigid. She’s shivering. She must be freezing standing out there at this time of night in just a thin nightdress. Who was he and how did he get here?
I lean over the banister again, wondering if I should confront her, but she closes the door with a click – I’m gratified to see that she’s turned the lock – and then she scuttles across the tiles. She looks like she’s floating in her long nightdress. The moonlight catches her face, and I’m shocked to see that it’s filled with fear.
9
Three days before
When I open my eyes the next morning, Evie is curled up next to me, her little body warm against mine. I didn’t even notice her come in during the night. Adrian is still in the T-shirt and checked pyjama bottoms he slept in, bent over his table in the corner, his hands flying over the keyboard. He usually starts the day at six to go for a run or do some writing before the rest of us wake.
I sit up carefully, so I don’t rouse Evie, and slide out of bed. Saturday. There is a lot to do before the first guests arrive, and Nancy can’t start until tomorrow.
I glance at Adrian. He has his back to me but I can tell from his posture, and the constant tapping of his fingers on the keyboard, that he’s concentrating. The noise goes right through me, setting my nerves on edge. I can’t tell him about last night. Not yet. But it reinforces why I don’t want Selena back in my life.
Selena is sitting at one of the oak dining tables next to Ruby. We’ve managed to cram eight into the reasonably sized room. I’m pleased we installed the doors in the dining room so that the kitchen can be sectioned off. I wish we’d done something to separate the attic from the rest of the house. I’ve been mulling it over in my mind since I woke up.
Mum is fussing around them, an apron with cartoon cats on the front tied around her middle. She’s holding a frying-pan in front of her, trying to coax another egg on to Selena’s plate. Selena barely looks up when I enter the room. Does she know I saw her last night? She looks fresher this morning, more colour in her cheeks. She’s groomed and seems well-dressed, even though she’s wearing jeans and a jumper, the same as me. Hers look more stylish, more feminine, the jumper thin with a large keyhole shape at the back that shows off her tanned neck and shoulders. I’d be cold in it.
Ruby is picking at her food in silence. I notice the absence of her wheelchair and wonder if Selena carried her in. I want to ask about her condition but I don’t want to appear nosy or insensitive. Mum disappears into the kitchen with the frying-pan before I can ask for the remaining egg.
‘Morning, Selena, Ruby,’ I say brightly. Ruby looks up, a ghost of a smile on her lips. I sit opposite her. She’s so pale and thin, with large grey eyes like Selena’s. And mine. They are the Hughes eyes. In front of her there is a bowl of what looks like very runny porridge, mostly untouched. ‘Would you like something else to eat? Toast? We have jam.’
As soon as I’ve spoken I see panic flash across Ruby’s features. She looks at her mother, but Selena shakes her head. ‘I’m sorry, sweetheart. You know you can’t have wheat.’ She turns to me. ‘Ruby is allergic to everything. We’ve spent years getting her diet just right. It’s been …’ She gives a heavy sigh and I see the pain in her eyes. I imagine all the years she has spent getting Ruby tested, worrying over her health, her diet, persuading doctors that she isn’t just another neurotic new mother, that there really is something wrong with her child. I remember my own sister, Natasha, who did not live beyond eighteen months. I was four at the time but I’ll never forget Mum’s fury that the doctors had missed the vital signs in her of pneumonia. After the funeral, she’d stormed into the surgery, dragging me with her, and screamed at Dr Saunders that it was his fault, she was going to file a complaint, then collapsed in a sobbing heap on a chair while we both looked on in horror. That was the one and only time I ever saw my mum give in to her emotions. Usually she’s sostoic.
‘It’s been very stressful.’ Selena puts her head into her hands, suddenly looking older than her thirty-five years.
Mum, who has quietly appeared behind me, is galvanized into action. ‘Shall I take Ruby outside to see the rabbits? The girls will be up in a minute. Although I expect Evie woke in the night.’ The last words are aimed at me and there is a judgemental tone to her voice.
I bite back a retort. What does she think we should do? Leave Evie to cry in her room so that she wakes her sister and everyone else? Yes, the nightmares concern me, but I know it’s just a reaction to the move, to the new business. Everything has changed for her: it’s only natural that she’s a bit unsettled. It doesn’t help that she insists on keeping the hideous china doll she found. It sits on one of her shelves and she calls it Lucinda. That would be enough to givemenightmares. Mum had sewn some fabric around the doll’s broken leg but it’s a grubby thing. I hope Evie will get bored with it soon so that I can throw it away.
Selena turns to Ruby and asks gently, ‘Do you want to go and see the rabbits with Aunty Carol?’
Ruby’s eyes light up and she nods enthusiastically. ‘Yes, please,’ she says, and I’m surprised to hear her voice. It’s soft, well-modulated, with no trace of the Welsh accent that Selena and I still possess. I’m stunned to see her pushing back her chair and walking tentatively towards my mum. It’s then I notice the leg braces.
Selena meets my questioning gaze. ‘Growth problems,’ she whispers, when Ruby is out of earshot. ‘She’s small and skinny for a seven-year-old.’ Seven? I had mistakenly taken her for five, maybe six at the most. She appears younger than Evie. I look behind me to see Mum helping Ruby through the kitchen towards the bi-folds that lead to the garden. My heart contracts and I’m embarrassed when my eyes sting with tears.
How could I have been such a bitch, resenting Selena and Ruby for coming to stay? I was so callous, worrying about my bloody business when I have two healthy daughters. In the end, that’s the only thing that matters. I reach out and squeeze Selena’s hand. ‘Oh, God, Selena, I’m so sorry.’
She raises her eyebrow. ‘What for?’
