I hold the banister to steady myself as I descend the stairs. Selena is standing in the hallway, calm and graceful. She’s already surrounded by people. She’s like a magnet. Always has been, especially with men. And my husband, it seems, is not immune. He’s shaking Selena’s hand in both of his, saying how lovely it is finally to meet her, as though he’s heard all about her, even though I’ve barely mentioned her. He doesn’t know the ins and outs. He doesn’t know why we lost touch.
Mum looks on with a proud smile. Ruby is sitting in her wheelchair, fiddling with a Jellycat mouse in her lap and avoiding eye contact, My girls are gawping at her in such a way that I long to go down there and tell them to stop.
Then Selena looks up and meets my eye. For a brief moment panic registers on her face, but it’s fleeting, unnoticeable to anyone else. Adrian glances at me and frowns, I realize I must be wearing a manic smile.
‘Kirsty!’ Her face is warm, open. ‘It’s so lovely to see you – it’s beentoolong.’ She moves away from the others and takes a few steps towards me. I hope her stilettos aren’t marking the floor tiles. Her last words to me had been nasty. Cruel. I wonder if she remembers them as clearly as I do.
By now I’ve reached the bottom of the stairs so that we’re on the same level. We were always a similar height but with her heels she’s a good three inches taller than I am, and I feel at a disadvantage. She air-kisses the space beside my head. She is wearing too much perfume, although it smells expensive.
I stand back, resisting the urge to cough. ‘Selena. Lovely to see you too.’ But my words sound fake.
She totters over to the wheelchair and crouches beside it. ‘And this is my daughter, my precious Ruby.’
‘Lovely to meet you, Ruby,’ I say, sounding more genuine now. ‘And these are Amelia and Evie. They’ve been looking forward to seeing you.’ Ruby continues to study the toy in her lap. ‘They’d love to show you around …’ I falter. The chair will make that difficult. I almost sense Selena stiffening, her smile wavering. She’s resting her hand on her daughter’s denim-clad knee. Ruby’s jeans have embroidered butterflies on them and Evie is eyeing them enviously.
‘I think you’re a bit tired, aren’t you, Rubes? The journey was long. If it’s okay we’d love to go to our room.’ She flashes me a bright smile but I can see the shadows under her eyes that she’s done her best to conceal. She looks small and frail crouched over her daughter and I feel an unexpected burst of tenderness towards her – towards both of them. She must sense it because she gets up, her chin jutting defiantly. Her body language reminds me of the day she stood up for me against the bully who lived down her road. Leighton Jones. Big and butch with crooked teeth, he was always teasing me. I can tell the fight is still in her. And I wonder what her life has been like, with the doctors’ appointments, the tests and the constant worry. It’s my biggest fear that something will happen to my daughters but Selena lives with the reality. I find it hard to reconcile the flighty, irresponsible Selena of my youth with this grown-up responsible version.
Amelia and Evie’s disappointment at not being able to play with Ruby is evident, but Mum hurries over, taking charge, urging Adrian to help with Selena’s bags. Without another word to me, Selena pushes Ruby’s chair down the corridor as my mum leads her towards Apple Tree, near the kitchen. I stare after them, my daughters next to me.
‘I wanted to show her the rabbits,’ says Evie, her voice full of disappointment.
Amelia wrinkles her freckled nose. ‘What’s wrong with Ruby? Why does she need a wheelchair? Do her legs not work?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say honestly, looping an arm around Amelia’s shoulders. She’s grown so tall, she’s not far off my height. ‘I think she was born with some kind of condition. Genetic, I think.’ I have no idea. I haven’t talked to Selena since 2001 and Mum seemed to be aware only that Ruby needed a wheelchair. Now, seeing her with Selena, I’m wondering if she knows more than she let on.
Evie considers this. ‘Aren’t we family with Ruby?’
‘You mean we’rerelatedto her, you weirdo,’ says Amelia. I prod her side. ‘Ow, what did you do that for?’
‘Don’t be mean to your sister.’
‘I’m justsaying.’
‘Well, don’t.’
Amelia shuffles away grumpily. Evie looks up at me. ‘Is Ruby our cousin?’
‘Selena’s my cousin, so I think that makes Ruby your second cousin,’ I explain. ‘And no,’ I add, when I see where Evie is going with this line of questioning. ‘You and Amelia haven’t any kind of illness. So don’t worry.’
Evie twirls her hair around her finger. ‘Poor Ruby,’ she says seriously. And then she runs upstairs, her pink stripy T-shirt clashing with her flowery skirt.
Amelia says petulantly, ‘Can I watch some TV?’
‘Haven’t you got any homework?’
She shrugs. ‘Mum, it’s Insect Day!’ It’s a standing joke between us since Evie had asked me, very seriously, why they had a day off to celebrate insects but not cats and rabbits. She’d confused ‘inset’ with ‘insect’. ‘And, anyway,’ she adds, ‘they hardly give us any homework.’ I feel a flicker of anxiety. Her school in London was too pushy but here I worry that they’re too laid back. Adrian prefers the ethos at their new school. He doesn’t believe in pressuring kids because his parents were so strict. They made him do extra maths tuition and piano and violin practice every night – he hasn’t touched a musical instrument since he met me.
Amelia wanders off in the direction of the playroom. I watch her leave. How will she cope when the guests arrive tomorrow and the rambling house she’s had to herself since September will no longer be just ours? She’ll have to share the TV, the garden, the living room with strangers. I’d had this romantic notion of what running a guesthouse would be like and I’m already realizing it will be nothing like I imagined – and we haven’t even opened.
I’m still standing in the hallway when Adrian reappears. I haven’t seen much of him since we found the dead flowers this morning. He went for a run and since then has been up in the bedroom, hunched over his laptop. He’s powering on with his novel. It’s a thriller, although he refuses to let me read any of it yet. All I know is that it’s about a psychopath who loses his job, gets depressed and goes on a killing spree. He actually laughed about it in bed last night, joking it definitely wasn’t autobiographical.
‘Selena loved the room,’ he says, as he walks towards me. ‘Your mother’s still in there, acting as if she’s her prodigal daughter.’
I think of Apple Tree. It has two beds that can either be zipped together to make a double, or separated as two singles. I’ve kept them separate, thinking that Selena and Ruby would rather not share. ‘I’m not surprised she likes it. It’s one of our best rooms.’
He lowers his voice and steers me into the living room by my elbow. ‘Is she paying to stay here?’
‘Mum said so. That’s the only reason she’s here.’ I stop when I notice his expression. ‘What?’
