It was possible Sasha was staying on Bainbridge Island to be farther away from the loss of Daphne. Her brain was busy taking in these new surroundings, and she couldn’t deny that the distraction was a reprieve. She knew she couldn’t stay forever, obviously. She would have to tell Angeni about Daphne soon and then exit the scene as gracefully as possible.
But then a new complicating factor arose. One night, as Sasha sat in her bed with baby Freya, Erik appeared at her doorway. “Do you mind if I come in?” he asked. And Sasha didn’t mind at all.
Chapter 17
Gwen
In the wee hours of the morning the day after the visit with Leigh, Gwen was up breastfeeding June while googling the best sex lube. She couldn’t focus, though, because her breasts were killing her. There were lumps in both—a first-time occurrence since she’d embarked on this experience of being a milk factory.
She pressed on the lumps, figuring she had clogged ducts. It sounded like a plumbing mishap because it was, essentially. The milk was not moving through the channels properly; there was a backup. She switched her Google search from sex lubes to clogged ducts. One had only to investigate a new mother’s Google search history to understand all she was up against.
Her research confirmed what she already knew—the best cure was for the baby to breastfeed, pulling the trapped milk through the ducts with the magical sucking reflex. A few posts said to get on all fours and have the baby latch so gravity could do its thing. Gwen slid a finger into June’s mouth to get her to release the nipple. She wasn’t done feeding, so she was understandably annoyed with this interruption. As June whined, Gwen got on all fours and then did her best to hold June against her breast with one hand. How did women do this? This seemedlike it would only work with a toddler that could stand on her own and lift her head to the nipple, like a calf to a mama cow.
She considered calling Jeff to come help. He could prop up June underneath her. But she knew he would think this was crazy, and she didn’t want the burden of his judgment. She gave up and rested back into the usual position, holding June like a football across her chest as she resumed feeding. Somehow, despite the discomfort, Gwen fell asleep.
She wasn’t sure what woke her—the sun peeking through the curtains or the chills running through her body. Was she sick?
Jeff opened the door to the room, already dressed in his best suit, his travel mug of coffee in one hand.
“Good morn—” he said, before realizing something wasn’t right. “Are you okay?”
He sat on the bed next to her. She felt clammy, her whole body covered in a thin sheen of sweat.
“I think I’ve got some kind of bug,” she said.
“Oh no, sweetie.”
She put the underside of her wrist to her forehead. It seemed hot, but she wasn’t sure how a forehead was supposed to feel.
“Do I seem hot to you?” she asked him.
He touched her forehead and said, “A little. Let me get you some Tylenol.”
She heard him open the cupboard in the hallway where they kept all their medicines. She knew exactly where the Tylenol was, but he didn’t. She could only take so much of hearing him rummaging around.
“It’s on the right, by the Pepto-Bismol,” she said.
“Aha!”
She stared at the two white pills in his palm. She knew over-the-counter pain medications were considered safe to take whilebreastfeeding, but was anyone really sure? There were so few studies on pregnant and breastfeeding women—no pharmaceutical company wanting to risk being blamed for damaging a baby.
“Babe,” Jeff said. “Take them.”
He knew exactly what she was thinking, and he had no patience for it.
She exhaled and took the pills. She was sure Angeni Luna would judge her for it.
“Should I stay home today?” Jeff asked.
It was nice of him to ask, but she knew this was a big day for him. He had to be in court, and Judge Barkley was presiding, and Judge Barkley did not take kindly to last-minute schedule changes.
“No, no,” she said. “I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
She wasn’t sure at all. She hadn’t felt this sick in years. But it was probably just the flu. Her immune system was shot from lack of sleep. Viruses probably had a field day with new moms, feasting upon their vulnerability, capitalizing on their fatigue.
“I’m sure. We’ll just take it easy today,” she said. “Right, June?”
