“What I’m going through is normal,” she said.
He put his two hands up, palms facing her, as if showing her he didn’t have a weapon.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t. Of course it’s normal. That’s my point.”
“Well, you seem to think there are steps I should be taking that I’m not taking.”
“This isn’t a critique, Gwen.”
She felt a chill at the mention of her own name. Notsweetieorhon, but Gwen.
“For one, I think this breastfeeding thing is too much,” he said.
This breastfeeding thing.
“There is no shame in stopping. It doesn’t work out for some people. You’ve lost too much weight.”
She had. She was below her prepregnancy weight.
“It’s working fine now. I just can’t eat tomatoes. You said yourself that tomatoes aren’t that hard to avoid.”
He sighed again. “I just mean this whole process has been ... a lot. It’s taken a lot out of you, figuring out this diet thing. Nursing her all the time. If we do formula, I can give her some bottles at night, and—”
Formula? Did he not know her at all?
“We’re not doing that,” she said.
He threw his hands in the air dramatically, then let them fall onto the table with a thud.
“This is what I’m saying. I don’t know what to do anymore. You don’t want my opinion. You act like my thoughts mean nothing.”
They did mean nothing.
“I have no say. You are clearly overwhelmed and having a hard time, and I have no say. You just want to dig your hole and sit in it.”
“Dig my hole and sit in it? Is that what you call taking care of our daughter?”
“Don’t do that. Don’t twist what I’m saying. We could adjust certain things, like the breastfeeding, and still be taking care of our daughter just fine.”
“Really? Did you read all the same books as me when I was pregnant?”
He stood from the table, took his dish to the sink, then started walking down the hallway, shaking his head.
“Where are you going?”
“There’s no point in talking to you,” he said from the hallway, his voice getting farther away. “You are hell bent on suffering. It’s like you think that makes you a better mother.”
She heard their bedroom door slam. She had never heard him slam a door before.
She switched June to the other breast. She was becoming so much more efficient at feeding lately. They finally had a rhythm. This wasn’t suffering, was it? If it was, maybe Jeff was right. Maybe it did make her a better mother.
Chapter 6
Angeni Luna
When you look back, will you regret the time you spent with your babies or the time you spent away from them?
This is so good. I can’t imagine being away from my babies. So happy I get to be home with them
