“I think you already lost your shit,Sitka.”
She rolls her eyes. She misses this—the way she and Jay have always teased each other, as if they are true siblings, not just siblings-in-law.
“You hungry?” he asks.
“Starving.”
“I’ve been trying to use Daphne’s cookbooks. I swear I’m following the instructions, but nothing tastes right. I’ve got chili going. Can’t promise it’s not terrible.”
“I’ll take my chances.”
She follows him inside, and it smells just like Daphne’s chili. In the kitchen, Daphne’s magenta binder of recipes is open on the counter. Sasha goes to it, smiles upon seeing the title at the top of the chili recipe: “Bowl of warmth and love.”
She goes to the stove, takes a spoonful of chili, blows on it to cool it, and tastes it.
“It needs more spice,” she says.
Daphne’s recipes were like scaffolding; the chef added the necessary details.
“Whatever you say,” Jay says.
Sasha adds a quarter teaspoon more of the chili powder and cumin, tastes it again.
She can hear Daphne:That’s more like it.
“Would Daph approve?” Jay asks.
Sasha takes a second bite and says, “I think she would.”
She puts the lid back on the pot so it can simmer a few minutes longer. Then she leans back against the counter, arms crossed over her chest, remembering all the times the three of them stood around the kitchen like this, chatting about nothing and everything. Her nose tingles as tears begin to fill her eyes.
“Oh god, don’t start crying on me,” Jay says.
“They’re happy tears, I think.”
“Fuck if I know what those are,” he says. He lifts the lid on the pot of chili and says, “Maybe we should add them to the chili.”
They laugh until they are both crying, both doing impressions of Daphne sayingWhy the hell you putting tears in my chili?When they are done laughing and crying, spent in the best way possible, they sit at the table where the three of them used to sit, dipping their spoons in their bowls of chili.
“It’s good,” Jay says.
“It is,” Sasha agrees.
They let this truth settle over them. For two people convinced that nothing could ever be good again, it is good.
“Not as good as hers,” Jay says.
“Duh,” Sasha says.
“But yeah, it’s good.”
Epilogue
Gwen
Two months later
Gwen, Leigh, and the girls are at the same park they visited that day when Nathan brought them sandwiches. Fall is in the air, and the leaves have turned to vibrant reds, oranges, and yellows. It is a new season in more ways than one.
