Gwen doesn’t realize just how happy this silly message makes her until Jeff says, “It’s good to see you smiling.”
Chapter 38
Angeni Luna
The doctors say she is very lucky. The pathway of the bullet missed the pericardium, the fluid-filled sac surrounding and protecting her heart, by two centimeters. Angeni nearly died the same way her mother had. She doesn’t understand the meaning of this yet, but she knows there must be one.
She is on day two in the hospital. The first day was a blur, with the urgency of inserting a chest tube to address her collapsed lung. After they stabilized her, they did surgery to remove any shell fragments and repair the hole in her lung. She is still hooked up to tubes, and the smallest movements hurt, but she is alive. She shouldn’t feel anything but gratitude, but she is overcome with a profound sadness.
She has started replaying the scene in her head—Aurora pointing the gun, Angeni’s gun, at Sitka before turning around and shooting Angeni. She didn’t mean to do it. Angeni is sure of that. It was an accident. Still, she’s sure Aurora is still in custody. There is no way of communicating with her. If only she could sit with her, her best friend in the world, they could figure out this mess.
Erik brought her phone to her yesterday, but she has only used it for texting, not for going online. The media knows of what happened. She is not ready for the onslaught of thoughts and prayers for her recovery.She knows there will be so many questions about Aurora, questions she doesn’t want to consider. People will say things likeI always thought she seemed a little off, and Angeni will be forced to wonder if she missed something all along.
She has not checked her email, which is how most business-related contacts reach out to her. It’s likely her literary agent tried that method first before resorting to the text that now appears on Angeni’s screen.
Angeni, my dear. You poor thing. I am so incredibly sorry. I wanted you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. When you are ready to chat, let me know.
Angeni sighs. No doubt, her agent and her publisher are salivating over this recent development. Her potential book sales have skyrocketed. She can’t imagine writing the tell-all her editor wants, though. She can’t imagine writing anything at all.
She is about to power off her phone when another text comes in. It’s from Sitka. She assumes Sitka was brought in for questioning by the police. Maybe she knows what’s going on with Aurora. She taps the message, a large block of text.
Dear Angeni,
I’m on the ferry back to Seattle. I finished with the police a little while ago. I have been thinking about you and hope you are okay. They wouldn’t give me much information. I do not think Aurora had any intent to hurt me. She loves you so much and she saw me as a threat to you. She wanted me to tell you some things, so that’s what I’m going to do.
My name is not really Sitka. It’s Sasha. I came to Bainbridge with the intention of meeting you so I could tell you about my sister, Daphne. She and her baby died during a home birth inspired by you. She wanted so badly to be the very best mother and I know she thought birthing at home was one way to dothat. I was so angry at you. When you invited me to live with you, I said yes because I wanted to understand you better. I wanted to see what Daphne saw in you. And yes, I wanted some kind of vengeance. I realize now that your suffering doesn’t take away my suffering. I’m sorry for thinking it might.
Aurora also wanted you to know that Erik kissed me. It was just once. He was very upset about you being in the hospital. I think he just needed comfort. He regretted it immediately, I could tell. He loves you so much. I trust you two will figure things out.
For what it’s worth, I grew to care for you. I adore Freya. If you want to stay in touch, I would like that but I understand if you don’t want to. I hope your recovery is quick. I hope life is kind to you.
Sasha
Angeni reads it once, twice, three times. At first, she is shocked, disbelieving. But then it starts to make sense. Angeni knew Sitka was wrestling with something, knew Sitka was aggrieved. Now she knows why. She closes her eyes, remembering the home birth video she’d posted, how arrogant she’d been. Sitka, or Sasha, had a sister. Her sister died. A wave of nausea rolls through Angeni’s body.
Erik appears in the doorway with Freya in the carrier on his chest. He’s done the straps wrong, and she is seated too high. Angeni does not have the energy to correct him and thinks maybe that’s for the best.
“There’s Mama,” he says in the baby voice he uses with Freya.
Erik kissed Sitka. Aurora wasn’t lying—of course she wasn’t. This doesn’t feel like a jarring revelation. It settles into Angeni’s body gently, a feather landing atop a pond of water, causing the smallest ripples. This is how truths settle when we already know them but have resisted their existence.
She stares at Erik as he holds their beautiful child. She is not angry at him, not in this moment, anyway. Maybe the anger will come later,when she has more energy. For now, all she cares about is her baby. Freya smiles so big upon seeing her. Her joy is so pure and simple—the context of the hospital room is lost on her.
Freya squirms against Erik, clenching and unclenching her little fists the way she does when she wants to grab something. It is Angeni she wants to grab.
“Okay, sweetie, we’ll sit right next to Mama,” Erik says.
It will be a while before Angeni can bear the weight of her own child atop her chest. Angeni can hardly stand thinking about this. She was foolish enough to ask about breastfeeding, and the doctors told her that would not be feasible, considering her injuries and the required recovery. She was despondent for a handful of minutes as she absorbed this reality, then remembered that she’d nearly died. She would force the gratitude until it became natural.
Erik places Freya in the hospital bed next to Angeni, tucked beneath her left arm. Freya puts her tiny hands all over Angeni’s body, touching the tubes and the bandages. She is not scared; she is awed. Angeni wants nothing more than to lift her baby high above her head, then bring her down and blow raspberries on her belly. But she can do nothing but stroke the soft skin of her baby’s thigh.
“Aw, babe,” Erik says. He uses his thumb to wipe a tear from Angeni’s cheek. He does love her so much. She has no doubt about that. They are flawed humans, that’s all. They will find their way back to each other.
“Have you heard anything about Aurora?” she asks him.
He shakes his head. “They’re talking to her, obviously.”
“I don’t want to press charges, or whatever,” Angeni says.
