Aurora’s brow furrowed. Her confusion or disapproval was obvious.
“I’m just about to head back to bed, see if I can catch some z’s finally,” Erik said.
He glanced back at Sasha one last time, and his eyes locked with hers for a split second. As he turned to leave, Sasha said, “Good luck with that.”
He passed by Aurora, who was still standing in the doorway, before disappearing into the hall. Sasha heard the door to the family bedroom open and then close.
“I guess I’ll get my tea and head back to bed too,” Aurora said, though she didn’t make any move to leave. She jutted out her hip against the doorframe and crossed her arms over her chest.
Sasha could have jumped in to assuage her fears, but she decided that wasn’t her job. She hadn’t done anything wrong. Aurora could spin whatever stories she wanted in her own head; that wasn’t Sasha’s business.
“I hope you get good rest,” Sasha said with a tight smile.
Aurora watched her carefully. Before finally turning to leave, she said, “Yeah, you too.”
When Aurora closed the door to her room, Sasha lay flat in her bed, placing one hand on Freya and the other over her own heart. It was beating so hard she could feel the vibrations in her chest.
She sat up, ended the recording on her phone, and texted Jay.
Sasha: this place gets weirder and weirder
Jay: i believe it. get ur ass back here
Sasha: i will. soon.
It was a lie. She couldn’t leave soon. Things were just getting interesting.
Chapter 21
Gwen
Gwen ended up in the hospital for four days. Back home, as she neared the end of her course of antibiotics, she was feeling more like herself. The infection was gone, and her body was slowly recovering. Her body, her poor body. It was still reeling from June’s birth—or rather, June’s eviction. She still didn’t relate to the common termgive birth. She hadn’tgivenanything. Everything had been taken from her.
The incision in her right breast was mostly healed. She’d started using the pump on both breasts, resulting in a measly couple of ounces of milk per day. She’d called Mary, the lactation consultant, to come for a home visit. Mary sighed heavily upon hearing Gwen’s harrowing story. She said that not pumping the first day in the hospital, coupled with the trauma of the medical event itself, had caused Gwen’s supply to plummet. Gwen begged Mary to tell her that it would return, but Mary said she couldn’t do that; she just didn’t know. Jeff presumed to know and said, “It’ll come back soon,” as if Gwen’s milk supply was an indoor cat that decided to go on a little walkabout before returning home. He told her, again and again, not to worry. As if that were possible. Worry was every mother’s vocation.
One early morning, while her body was in between sleep and wakefulness, she had a dream that she was sitting at her kitchen tablewith Angeni Luna. Angeni was holding Gwen’s hands in her own hands. They were so warm, Angeni’s hands.
You must have faith in your beautiful body,Angeni said, her voice so soft and soothing.The female body is so wise. It knows how to care for your dear baby. Please take solace in this. The two of you will find your rhythm once again.
When Gwen awoke fully, she felt calmer. She turned Angeni’s words into a mantra she whispered to June:The two of us will find our rhythm once again.
Gwen and June had been making the short trip to Leigh’s condo every day. At dinner each night, Jeff asked Gwen, “How are Leigh and Belle today?” So quickly, these other human beings had become integrated into their daily lives. Gwen suddenly couldn’t imagine Leighnotbeing in her life. She’d become a true friend, a confidant, someone she felt closer to than any of the other female friends she’d had throughout her life.
Gwen had always been baffled, and a little envious, of the bonds some women seemed to have with each other. She was never a “girl’s girl.” She had female friends, but never anyone who felt like a sister. Most of her friends were from school or sports teams, casual types of relationships in which they talked about the usual things girls talked about. She was never “attached at the hip” with any particular girl. As a teenager, she started to learn that other girls could be your worst enemies. They could smile to your face and then obliterate your reputation behind your back. Her best friend in high school, Cherie, had turned on Gwen after a rumor spread that Gwen had kissed Scott Renner, Cherie’s longtime crush. The rumor wasn’t true, but it didn’t matter. That was the thing with female friendships—they seemed so fragile, so fickle.
Leigh felt solid, though, like someone Gwen could know forever. She could foresee their girls being close too. Gwen had developed a realaffection for Belle, and Leigh seemed to adore June. Gwen had never been one to gush over babies. She’d always assumed she’d have to fake excitement around other people’s kids, but she really did find Belle delightful. Belle was different from June—more relaxed, less on alert, probably because Leigh was less tightly wound than Gwen. The girls did tummy time together. They cooed and babbled profusely. Leigh was convinced they were having full-on conversations in their own language. When Gwen was at Leigh’s condo, she felt like they were in an idyllic haze, like they were doing motherhood the way it was supposed to be done. This, she thought, was the village everyone talked about.
It would have made sense for them to switch off houses, but Gwen loved coming to Leigh’s part of town, loved the cozy, well-decorated condo with its amazing views. Leigh said Belle hated the car, so she was more than happy to have Gwen and June come to her.
The four of them sat on the area rug in front of the giant floor-to-ceiling windows. Gwen watched Leigh feed Belle—a quick five minutes per boob before chunky, adorable Belle appeared happy and satiated. Whenever Gwen watched the two of them together, it wasn’t so much envy she felt as longing.
“So last dose of antibiotics today. I’m going to put her back on the boob tomorrow,” Gwen said.
June had been taking formula without any issues, which still managed to hurt Gwen’s feelings. Throughout the whole ordeal, Leigh had taken on the role of cheerleader and therapist.
“I think it will go just fine,” Leigh said. “It may take some time for your supply to be fully back, but you’ll get there.”
“I hope so. Jeff is so sick of me talking about this,” Gwen said.
