“Oh yeah, that’s been ... a big adjustment.”
“I bet.”
“I just try to be supportive. I knew that Ang becoming a mother would be a monumental thing for her.”
“It’s a monumental thing for anyone,” Sasha said. Her thoughts went to Daphne, and she had to swallow a few times to keep from crying.
“Yeah, but Ang had a lot of trauma with her own mother, who wasn’t very ... available. That’s why this motherhood thing is so important to her.”
This motherhood thing.Sasha didn’t think she was wrong in sensing his exhaustion.
“She’s never mentioned her mother,” Sasha said, curious if there was a secret here she could uncover.
“She died a long time ago,” Erik said. “Suicide.”
“Oh wow, that’s awful,” Sasha said.
He nodded. “You can see why Ang cares so much about getting motherhood exactly right.”
“That makes sense.”
It was strange that Angeni had never posted about her mother’s death. The drama of a suicide would certainly garner more sympathy among her followers and, ultimately, more followers. In any case, it was sad, Angeni losing her mother in such a horrific way. Sasha wished Angeni would just be real about her story, the big picture of who she was.
“Anyway,” he said, abruptly uncrossing his legs and placing his feet on the floor. “It’s still so new, you know? Parenthood.”
He took a sip of his tea, and the wince on his face told her that it was still too hot.
“It is. I’m sure many new parents feel exactly like you.”
“For sure,” he said.
“Do you ever think of sharing that stuff? Like, the adjustments and struggles?”
He sat back again, holding his mug with both hands.
“Ang likes to keep it positive. Lots out there these days about how hard it is to be a parent. We want to remind people of the sacredness of it, the beauty.”
Sasha paused her rocking and picked up her mug, just to have something to do. She put her lips to the rim, felt the steam rise to them.
He ran a hand through his hair. She found herself staring at his bare chest again.
“I just ... try to stay grateful. Try not to get too bogged down with the hard stuff.”
Sasha nodded. She needed him to trust her, to continue to confide in her.
“That makes sense.”
Erik stood then. He stretched his arms overhead, and Sasha watched the extension of his abdominal muscles, the slight dip of the waistband of his pants.
“Sorry the tea is so hot.”
“It’s okay. I’ll drink it when it cools.”
“I think I’m going to take mine back to bed, if you don’t mind,” he said.
“Not at all. She seems happy right now, so we’ll just chill here for a bit.”
She could tell he felt awkward leaving them there. It was one thing when Sasha and Freya were tucked away in the guest room, hidden from sight. Out here, in the common living space, Sasha’s nightly labor was on full display.
