“Not yet. Take a few days, weeks, maybe. You need to mourn.”
“What good will that do?” I rasp.
Dad steps out of Wilder’s kitchen with a beer. “Plenty. Take my word for it. You need time and you need family. Not work.”
I look at my brother. Wilder’s my business partner. Without me, he’s alone in this. Our brother Silas plays pro hockey and doesn’t have a cowboy bone in his body.
“I’ll be all right,” I mumble. “Busy season coming. People countin’ on me.” Even as I say it, the idea of doing anything but wondering how my life became a big black hole of emptiness, feels .?.?. paralyzing.
And that’s not me. I’m always present. The one holding the reins. Wilder and I carry equal responsibility for the family brand, Blue River Ranch, but when push comes to shove, I’m the one who makes the hard calls. We both put in the same hours out there—endless hours. But this ranch needs someone who can feel when something’s off. And that’s always been me.
As if reading my mind, Wilder puts a hand on my shoulder. “Why do you think I want you to move in? Going to need you to talk me down when someone pisses me off out there.”
I swallow hard. “Yeah, OK. Maybe just a few days.”
Dad nods, letting me believe I had much of a say in the matter. “It’s a good choice, son. I know it feels, er .?.?.impossibleto breathe right now.” He looks me in the eye. “But you will. Time will pass, it will heal, and you will move on.”
If I had the energy, I’d throw something at him. It’s been over ten years since Mom died, and he’s still pretending he hasn’t “moved on” with Ginger, their longtime friend and ranch manager. It makes sense that they’re spending time together. She’s been with the ranch practically since day one and there’s nothing we want more than to see Dad happy again.
But I’ll pass on asking how he thinks I can move on when even he still feels guilty for doing it. Because all I know is I’ll never hear her voice again. Or see her bright smile.
I may be of sound enough mind to know Millie’s never coming back. But asking me to move on from the person I planned to spend the rest of my life with? Seems like a betrayal to my own heart.
And I’m as loyal as they come.
1
Six months later
“You’ll be all right for a few days?” I crouch on my knees and wiggle the pink bunny in front of my seven-year-old daughter.
Daughter.Mydaughter.
Two words I’ve had to get used to saying together in the last few months, after Ellie’s grandfather tracked me down at my ranch and told me about achildI had with an old fling.
It was the best and worst time for him to give me the news. I was three months into mourning Millie, still heavy in grief.
It’s a miracle Cole and Maya Hartly entrusted me with their granddaughter—the only thing left of their daughter, Tammy. They’ve been taking care of Ellie since her mother passed away three years ago.
It’s still hard to believe the sassy, sharp-tongued singer I met just outside of town—way before Millie—would leave me with a little girl who’ll be in my heart forever, and yet never know her mother the way I should have.
She nods, her reddish-brown Shirley Temple curls bouncing as she does. “Why are you going again?”
My heart breaks a little. I never want her to feel she’s being left behind. It’s only for a few days but it’s still not ideal when I’m trying to convince this girl I’m not going anywhere.
Like her mother.
Like her grandparents.
Not that they had any choice. Maya’s diagnosis has had them traveling back and forth between New York and Florida for treatment. But lately, it’s become too much for Maya, so they’ve made the decision to settle down south for good.
I remove my black cowboy hat, setting it down at my side, running a hand through my dark hair. “Well, kiddo, you know winter is coming soon.”
“But it’s not even Halloween yet,” she whines.
“Yeah, but it’ll be here soon enough. And Uncle Wilder and I need to get ready. You know how we feed the cows hay in the winter when the grass is all dead and covered in snow?”
She nods. Ellie’s new to ranch life but catches on quickly.
