Hope and fear often occupy the same space. But in reality, there can be only one. You have to choose.
It was time to choose. I’d lived my whole life with hope and fear, but now I needed to choose.
I finished my lunch in a daze and made my way back to my desk, arriving to see four cans of Dr. Pepper scattered across the top. My brow furrowed as I sat down, wondering once again at the audacity of Duke to be so brazen. For the first time since I started here, they were cans, not from a fountain.
I lifted one soda and unfolded the note. To my surprise, it wasn’t Duke’s slated scrawl that greeted me.
Mike:We don’t want him anymore. Please take him back.
Ryan:He’s a good guy. I promise. Please put us all out of our misery.
Mike & Ryan:Seriously, he’s a bear when he’s lovesick. At least he was three years ago. Mike & Ryan
Shawn:You are the happiest whenever he walks into the room. Go get him.
I liftedmy head above the partition to meet Shawn’s knowing grin.
“He was over here A LOT.”
Half laughing and half mortified, I lowered my head back down and buried my face in my hands to block out the insane smile crawling across my face.
“Nora.” I looked back over at Shawn, my hand automatically taking the can of Coke he held out toward me. “You know what to do.”
“Thanks, Shawn.”
I turned back toward my computer, Coke in hand, and gasped in surprise. Anita sat on my desk, patiently waiting for me to finish talking with Shawn. Her sharp nails were decorated a bold red matching her button-down top and black pants, reminding me of some sort of deranged ladybug. The colors were a power move, no doubt. I wasn’t sure why she was dressed to do battle. Our portfolios were finished and were being voted on even now by the three different companies and their employees. It was completely out of anyone’s hands. Maybe she wanted to look the part of a fearless leader if they called her name.
“I just wanted to wish you good luck,” Anita said, though no amount of well-wishing reached her eyes. I waited for the rest of her statement, and it didn’t disappoint. “I really hope that the contest is fair. It would be such a shame to have to report any disorderly conduct to HR.”
My blood began to simmer. How could I have let this woman bully me for the past three months? Even the tiny snarl on her face reminded me of a snake. I had tried so hard to play nice, but the niceness would be coming to an end.
“What conduct?” I asked, folding my arms and leveling her with my own stare.
She scoffed, motioning toward the cans on my desk. “I think you know. I want to know how long it’s been going on. That’s obviously why you didn’t want me to work with him for my projects.”
“He was assigned to me. I had nothing to do with that. And he has no say in the winner of this contest.“
Leaning in close, her voice turned into a snarl. “How do we know that’s true? The companies who are voting are clients of Duke’s. I’m sure they’d do whatever he asked.”
“If you’re not happy with things here, you’re welcome to leave.” I turned from her and faced my computer, dismissing her.
“You leave me no choice, then. I’m going to HR.”
She said the words but didn’t actually leave, like she was waiting for me to react first. As much as I wanted to ignore her, something about speaking my mind felt good.
“Anita,” my voice was low and direct. Her eyes flashing was the only signal that she heard me. “From the moment you got here, you’ve tried to intimidate and threaten me. It stops now. After today, I don’t ever have to see you again. You’re welcome to go to HR. It won’t change a thing.”
“Interoffice relationships are against the rules.”
“Are you just mad you couldn’t turn his head?”
Her mouth dropped in outrage, and as much as I cringed even saying those words aloud, her reaction was something I’d carry with me forever.
“Are you going to leave my office space now, or should I?” I gave her a polite smile, suddenly secure in the knowledge that this woman couldn’t touch me. A fire lit somewhere near my chest, the beating of my heart fanning the flame until it was roaring. Had I really never stood up for myself before? Not like this. It felt like I’d just run five miles. The hard part was over, and now I was lying on the grass, feeling bloody freaking amazing. Geez. Why didn’t people tell each other how they felt all the time? The endorphins were unreal.
Anita stalked back to her desk and flung herself into her chair. For the next half hour, I got to hear every annoyed huff and squeak of her chair. Her sarcastic remarks meant for my ears stopped completely. Even the sound of her clipping her fingernails and no doubt dropping them into a disgusting pile on the floor only resulted in making me smile.
There were more things making me smile as well. I wanted to blame my sudden frankness as an after effect of my confrontation with Anita, but I knew it wasn’t. My feelings for Duke had been repressed, denied, pushed aside, and held hostage long enough. I had been scared long enough. My heart had been bruised and guarded and tucked away for so long that having someone handle it with care and sweetness had been like a red flag for me. I didn't know what to do with it. Duke had proven himself over and over, and I kept pushing him away over and over because he terrified me. I glanced at the clock.
