I was still trying to catch up as cars whirred past.
“What are you doing?” I asked again. His face held a range of emotions, some I couldn’t read, but there was fire in his eyes.
“You need some space? Fine. You want us quiet at work? Fine. You want to work on your project? Great. It would make it a lot easier if you won the whole thing. But don’t put yourself down. And don’t put words in my mouth.”
I sucked in a breath as the heat from his eyes scattered across every part of my face.
“I’m your boss in Utah.” He motioned to the Utah sign. “There are rules there and things we can’t do. Things I can’t say. But we’re not in Utah right now and I’m not ready to play by the rules just yet.”
Before I could think or blink or build walls, his hands were at my neck, pulling me close, and his mouth was on mine. I breathed him in—as his lips became words spilling secrets I hadn’t even dared to hope for. Some things he told me slowly— achingly soft—like the tenderness of a whisper and the lightness of a feather. Over and over, he brushed the words against my skin until I was a breath away from curling up in his arms. Some parts spilled out in a rush, fast and furious, with hands in my hair, tugging and tasting and boiling over with heat and haze.
I told him things too.
Secret things.
Worries and wounds camouflaged and concealed deep inside of my heart.
They came out in gasps and sighs as his lips made a trail along my jawline. It wasn’t thoughts of being like my mother that had me pulling away and demanding space before nestling closer, resenting the distance. Birdie had been right. I wasn’t my mom. I would never be her. Instead, I let my fingertips trail across the line of his jaw and the stubble at his cheeks, and I begged him to be gentle with me. To be patient while I figured out what to do with all the wants and needs and fears threatening to drown me. Then he cradled my face and pressed a kiss to my forehead, and the fear began to quiet once more as hope burrowed its way through my chest. A dichotomy of light and dark, dancing and swirling until I was left dizzy with emotion.
I broke from his lips, breathing heavily and fighting against the part of myself that wanted to still be kissing him.
“You know you’re still my boss here too, right?”
“Shut up.” His mouth was smiling as it took over mine again.
Sometime later he pulled back, his dark gaze taking in my face while his finger brushed a strand of hair off my cheek. A soft smile played across his lips, as if he liked what he saw, which was probably a very dazed expression.
I blinked, coming back to myself, and the breeze in the air, and the fact that cars still flew past us on the freeway. I looked around trying to find something to recenter my brain around. I had quite possibly had the best kiss of my entire life on the side of this freeway and I needed to shake up the thoughts that were seriously considering pulling his face back to mine again. I blew out a shaky breath as my eye caught on something that made me smile. And no, it wasn’t Duke this time. We were still in Idaho after all, and I had just thought of one more thing.
“Are you up for checking another thing off the bucket list?”
“Huh?”
I laughed, feeling lighter than air, for some reason. “I’ve always wanted to be in two places at once, like inA Walk to Remember.”
He followed my finger pointing toward theWelcometoUtahsign and smiled.
“Well, you’re in luck. I’ve always wanted to kiss you in two places at once.”
And so we did.
Amid the noise and honks of every car that passed, Duke grabbed my hand and we waded through weeds and sagebrush before coming to a stop on the other side of the sign, where we proceeded to check one more thing off the old bucket list.
23
The next threeweeks in Utah flew by in a rush of highs and lows.
One of the highs happened a few days after we returned from our trip to Idaho. Maybe high wasn’t quite the right word. But low wasn’t right either. Either way, Duke had stayed late for a meeting with his company from Japan. We were the only two left in the office. Since I knew Duke was still around, I made sure to clean the bathrooms first, so he wouldn’t try to do it with me. Having his help cleaning the windows and taking out the trash somehow felt less of an imposition, since he was so insistent on lending a hand. I was cleaning the windows in the main office when Duke found me.
“Still here, Kiss Cam?”
I turned at the bridled excitement lacing his voice. He looked handsome in his gray suit, which was a bit wrinkled after a full day of work. His hair was disheveled on top, like he’d been running his hands through it. But his eyes sparkled like a kid on Christmas morning.
“What’s going on?” I asked, turning to face him as he approached.
He stopped a few paces away, a smile breaking free at my question. Then he moved again, back and forth, pacing excitedly.
“You know that company I’ve been working with? The one in Japan?”
