Where to even start up again after that? “I love my mom, but I’ve worked my entire life tonotbe like her.”
“In what way?”
In that moment, Duke was my best friend I had just met. The words flowed out of my mouth and into the air between us, where I felt sure he would catch them and hold them safe. I’d never experienced anything like this night, and a part of me wondered if I stopped talking, would the magic between us be over? So I kept talking, the words leaving my lips and healing a part of me as they did.
“Well, I already didn’t get pregnant at sixteen and married at seventeen, so that’s one hurdle crossed off the list.”
He held out his hand for me to give him a high five. “Same.”
I laughed and gave him a high five.
After a moment, Duke asked, “Your mom works, right?”
I nodded.
“Why can’t she pay her own rent?”
If this were any other day, I probably wouldn’t have answered. But tonight…
“She’s been divorced a lot and has a credit card problem,” I said simply.
Duke nodded. “You moving away will be good for her, then. Give her a chance to fall.”
“Fall?”
“Yeah.”
I leaned back in my seat, examining my nails. “I’m enabling her, right? Isn’t that what they call it?”
Duke shrugged.
“I get that. But things aren’t always so black and white.” Suddenly, I was desperate that he know more about her than her shortcomings. “My mom can’t pick men, and she can’t manage her money. Those are two pretty big things.” I waited a beat before continuing. “But she has a singing voice that makes people stop and stare. She can do impressions of people in ways that have everyone snort laughing. She always told me and my sisters that we were beautiful and funny. Sometimes she’d let us stay up past our bedtimes, and we’d watch movies with microwaved popcorn and a handful of candy she’d bought for each of us from the dispenser at the cafe. She always gave the homeless people on our streets whatever change she could—or whatever change I had.” Duke snorted at that while I huffed out a laugh and brushed away a tear leaking from my eye. A beat of silence fell between us before the two of us were lost to the moment with shaking shoulders and hushed wheezes.
Eventually, I added my last thought. “The point is, it’s not all black and white with my mom—there’s a lot of gray.”
“Probably true for all of us,” Duke said, letting out a big breath. He paused, then added, “So that’s why you don’t date much? You’re scared of being like her?”
“Yup. In my dream world I’ll have a career before I get into a serious relationship. I also keep pretty busy. I work at the cafe and go to school full time. The jury’s still out on whether or not I’m like my mom. I definitely haven’t been blown away by the quality of the two guys I’ve dated in the past.”
“You sure picked a stinker tonight,” he said.
“Aww, don’t be too hard on yourself.”
He nudged my arm. “Your pick was terrible, but thankfully, there was an amazing kiss-cam interception.”
My eyes fell to his teasing lips. It took much less effort than it should have to conjure up the memory of his kiss.
We sat quietly for a moment. There was more I could have added about my mom, but it would have been too much for our night together.
My entire life, I watched men who used my mother like a bar of soap. Then a year ago, I met Derek. He was different. He wasn’t just good looking; he was ambitious. My mother never dated ambition. This was different, and I clearly wasn’t my mother. Turns out, I couldn’t have been more wrong. Within a month, I’d found that I had attracted the same quality of guy my mom always had—a liar and a cheat. Quite the blow to my ego, realizing that I was a carbon copy of the woman I’d spent my entire life trying not to be. A heavy blow indeed.
“Tell me about you now,” I said, attempting to lighten the mood, a playful smile at my lips. “Let me guess,” I began, shifting toward him in my seat. “Your parents bought you a car for your sixteenth?”
The guilty half smile came almost unbidden on his face.
“What was it?” I pressed. “A Ferrari? Lambo?”
A wrinkle furrowed across his brows. “As if I would stoop that low.”
