“Are you thinking of starting your own construction business one day?”
“That was always my plan,” he said. “And then Chase approached me about partnering with him and I hadn’t given it much thought until lately.”
We both sighed. I moved my arms behind my head for a pillow.
“So…whatareyou doing out here?” he asked, motioning around the orchard.
“Being overly dramatic.”
“Nothing new, then, huh?”
I pushed him while he laughed.
“Okay, seriously, why are you out here?”
“Can you smell the apples?”
“Yeah.” He looked at me with his brows furrowed.
“I bet that’s nice.”
He pointed up to the trees. “You can’t smell that?”
“All I can smell is my ex-future-mother-in-law’s jasmine perfume. I hate the smell of jasmine, by the way. Sometimes I can smell the cologne Tyler was wearing when he bolted past me to ditch out on our wedding. I can see the whole town of Eugene staring at me with pity in their eyes. That’s all I can see and smell when I’m here now. Which sucks because this used to be my favorite place.”
He was quiet. Contemplative. “Then why are you out here?”
Why, indeed. As a kid, I spent hours roaming the grassy aisles between the apple and peach trees. The earthy smell of grass and dirt and fruit was the scent of my childhood. The place where I went to think, or take a walk, or be alone. The orchard had always been mine. And now, it was tainted.
“I saw a therapist for a while after it ended with Tyler, and she told me I needed to allow myself to feel everything. To feel all the emotions of that day. I had a habit of trying to skate past it all. You know, just trying to make everything okay without really feeling it. I’ve been working on doing that here.” I held out my hands and motioned around us. “This is the exact place I stood when I was about to get married.”
He twisted, moving his head around, taking in the view with new awareness. “Are you…wishing Tyler back?”
“No.” I let out a soft laugh. “But seeing him a few weeks ago helped me move past it all. It was all for the best. I guess I’m just trying to make peace with all the bad memories so I can love this place again.”
“Is that how it works?”
“Doesn’t seem to be. I’ve been trying for a while now.”
I looked at Logan, waiting for him to gracefully make his exit. I didn’t really think men loved to talk about weddings they had no part in. He surprised me, though, when he put his arms behind his head and settled in.
“What was the hardest part of that day for you?”
A light breeze floated through the trees, lifting the hair at my forehead. Nobody had ever asked me that question before. There were lots of little moments that I kept remembering. The inquisitive silence in the audience. Walking down the aisle to a pale and sweaty groom. The nervous twitches. Tyler fingering his cufflink and loosening his tie as though it were strangling him. The cold touch of his hands as they left mine to walk down the aisle alone.
“Honestly, it was the humiliation of it all. I know I shouldn’t care that much. Everyone’s over it, but it hurts to think about. At the time, I was too naive to realize what was happening, even when it was right in front of me. But now, looking back, I can remember everybody’s faces. Kelsey, my brother, my parents, Betsy May, Preacher Douglass…you. Everybody knew, and I stood there, smiling and explaining to everyone that my groom was off to get the karaoke machine.” I laughed bitterly.
I could have heard a pin drop, and that was saying something with the crickets making a racket all around us. Finally, he said, “That sucks.”
“It does suck,” I agreed. “Thanks for not telling me you're sorry.”
“I’m not sorry.”
I looked at him then, but he stared straight ahead.
“I mean, I’m sorry you went through that, but I’m not sorry it ended.”
I pounded my feelings back down into their cage in my heart. Was it just me, or was Logan a good listener? My resolve had been cracked open by my confessions, and now all I wanted to do was keep talking.
