Victoria's words urged me to do more than just come out. If I want to live honestly, then it should encompass every part of my life.
She waits a few moments before asking, “Is that it?”
When I nod, she exhales out loudly as if I’ve just given her the best news of her life.
“Thank God. I thought you were in some sort of trouble.” She breathes out shakily. “That’s fine, Juliette, it’s not what I would have picked for you, but if it’s what you want to do, I’ll support it.”
“Really?”
She frowns. “Really.”
That was easier than expected. So easy that it’s making me want to tell her the next thing very quickly.
I clench my fists tightly. “There’s something else.”
“Yes?”
“I need help with a problem.” I fidget with my fingers before looking up at her. “Someone’s in trouble.”
“Who’s in trouble?” She furrows her eyebrows.
“Adaline Emery.”
She looks baffled, almost laughing as she says, “Adaline Emery? Why would I care about her?”
“Mom this is serious. This problem could ruin her life.” I grit the words out, suddenly my heart is racing. If I told her I was in trouble she would care, she has no idea that we’re both in this together.
She scoffs. “Like I said before, why would I care about her life?”
“Because I care about her,” I mumble out ducking my head.
“What?”
Fury runs through me at her confusion, at her utter lack of regard for the woman I love. I look up at her, seeing the confusion and ignorance roaming in her eyes. How could I not see this all these years? I can’t ignore it any longer and I can’t stop.
I could drown myself in these feelings and never come up for air—I don’t think I deserve to come up for air. I want to go grocery shopping, to argue over stupid things and do things that other couples do. I want to hold her hand when I walk down the street and not worry about anyone hurting us. I want to bring her home and have her be nervous to impress my mother, not because she’s scared of her, but because she just wants to.
“BecauseIcare about her!” I scream out, my hands slamming on the table. She looks affronted and I stand up. “Every single second of every single day, I care about her!” I want to stop, but I can’t, everything comes pouring out of me. “I love her. I’m in love with her. Today. Tomorrow. If I was to live forever, I would spend it loving her!”
She just sits there, completely speechless and I think I am too. Oh my God. I stand there for a good few minutes, but she’s still silent, my heart plummets to the lowest depths possible, but I don’t let it show. I just shake my head and make my move to walk away. But before I can, she calls out.
“Juliette …” Her voice is tentative.
I don’t turn around. “Yes?”
“What was the problem?”
I don’t let the anxiety or embarrassment stop me this time. “Stacey Johnson. She recorded us having sex and is blackmailing me with it.”
I don’t wait for her response, I walk away and stomp all the way up to my bedroom—slamming my bedroom door shut. Soon after, I hear the front door closing, but it’s gentle.
I curl up under my covers but I don’t cry, I don’t get angry either. This makes things much harder, without my mother it’ll be harder to scare Stacey and get those videos deleted, but I’ll find a way.
I just came out to my mother. I wasn’t expecting a congratulations or a hug, I was expecting anger. I was expecting to possibly being thrown out of the house. This might not be the best outcome, but it’s not the worst either and that’s either the saddest thing in the world or the most normal. The thought takes me into a deep slumber and like every night, I dream of Adaline.
***
The next morning, I wake up groggy, feeling lighter than usual. I guess coming out will do that to you. I turn to my bedside table turning the lamp on. I reach for my bottle of water, but instead, I feel a piece of paper. I pick it up and it’s folded, with my name on it. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and begin reading, feeling my heart thumping.
