His concern doesn’t really do much for me, but I understand it. Like he said, I haven’t spoken to him at all this past week.
“We need to talk,” I tell him with a sigh.
“Okay?”
“We need to break up,” I say, trying to stifle how bored I am. “Save me the frivolity of it all. There’s a box of your stuff.” I gesture to the small cardboard box of his things next to my door. It’s mostly just some of his clothes and a few of the jewellery he’s gifted me over the course of our relationship.
His eyebrows furrow and his hands are placed on his hips. He’s shaking his head as if he can’t believe the words that are coming out of my voice. I’m expecting him to cry or maybe shout, I’m not sure. Probably beg to have me back—
“You’re such a bitch.” I didn’t expect that response or the callous laugh.
As shocked as I am, I just shrug. “I know.” Of course, I’m a bitch, I always have been. He knows that and it’s not like he’s a saint.
“Seriously? This is how you’re ending a two-year relationship?”
“Don’t make me laugh. This was barely a relationship.” I stare at my nails, inspecting how neat they look today. “You’ve cheated on me the whole time.”
“Why the fuck do you think I did that?” he blurts out angrily.
“Don’t tell me that you’re sitting here blaming me for your cheating?” I almost laugh out loud.
“I—I only did it in front of you,” he mumbles, slightly ducking his head.
“What?” I ask confused, the look in his eyes snaps me away from my boredom.
“Cheating,” he clarifies. “I never slept with anyone else, I just asked a few girls to kiss me out in the open, when you were around.”
“What? Why?”
“I wanted your attention!” He bellows out. “From the beginning, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. I tried anything to make you act out, to show that you wanted me,” he shakes his head with a sad laugh, “but none of it ever worked.”
“So you thought that was the way to go about it?” I don’t mean to sound judgmental but I can’t help it. Is this guy serious? You wanted my attention so you kissed other girls in front of me?
“Oh please!” he says, suddenly angry again. “So only you have the privilege of acting out for attention? Onlyyouget to do stupid shit?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I ask, a pit of fear growing in my stomach.
“It means I know why you’ve spent the last five years bullying Adaline,” He says. His tone isn’t as malicious as I expected, rather it's empty. “I know you want her.”
Oh no.
“How? When?” That's all the response I can muster, because I might pass out.
“I figured it out when we went to dinner for our anniversary. I’d never seen you look so empty before, not like that.” His gaze turns thoughtful. “Then we went to that party and your eyes were on her the whole time—you just disappeared after, without any word.”
“Adonis—”
“I don’t know how I didn’t see it before, but the point is, I’ve realized it now.” He points his finger at me angrily. “So don’t you dare sit on your high horse after everything you’ve done.”
He’s right. I was cheating on him the whole time, maybe even worse than what he was doing. I don’t have any moral high ground, not just with Adaline, but with everyone else in my life; even Adonis.
“So what? You’re gonna tell everyone?” Fear slices into my chest.
“I wouldn’t do something like that.” He looks appalled. “I’m not even homophobic, Juliette, I just didn’t care how you behaved because I loved you!”
He’s just like everyone else at school. They’re not homophobic either, just sheep worshipping me blindly because of my status, unable to understand how dangerous that is. Even if I got off to it at some point, I always knew deep down that they didn’t believe what I fooled myself into believing.
Adonis thinks that enabling me is love—maybe it is for some people—but I’ve seen what it should be, what it could be. It means holding yourself accountable, trying to be better.
