“I guess it was becoming way too hard denying that I did want him and the fact that it's our last year at Richmond. The thought that I wouldn't see him every single day ever again kind of scared me.” Her face is thoughtful as if she's thinking deeply about her situation.
Aryan and I listen intently, completely entranced by her words. I've literally never heard her speak like this before; she sounds so free, so…soft. she's being brutally honest and it's making me think even harder.
Does it scare me that I potentially won't see Juliette again after I leave Richmond? I used to think it would be like heaven, but I'm not really sure anymore.
She blushes. “I finally let myself have someone.”
“That is so sappy.”
“That is so sweet,” Aryan says at the same time as me.
Victoria smiles at Aryan and just sticks her middle finger up at me and I blow her a kiss. It's my duty as her best friend to make fun of her when she says anything remotely emotional, that's just how it is.
“Why did you ask that anyway?” Victoria asks, confused.
I take a deep breath before talking. “I think I'm starting to…tolerate Juliette.”
The knowing look and smiles on their faces rattles me a little. They look amused, maybe even slightly concerned. They always know everything before me anyway, so I'm not shocked that they aren't shocked.
“You mean liking her?” Aryan smiles coyly and I just duck my head lightly in response.
“Did you figure that out because she's been ignoring you for a few days?” Victoria asks me interestedly.
My friends have literally had front row tickets to Juliette ignoring me all week. Victoria offered to ask Kai about it, but then quickly realized he doesn't know about me and Juliette, so she couldn't even ask him.
I smile sheepishly. “Maybe.”
“I'm sorry about that again,” Aryan adds, his face downcast.
He's been doing that a lot this past week. He came over to my house as soon as Juliette left and so did Victoria. He spent God knows how long apologizing about her figuring it out, but I assured him it wasn't his fault.
“No, it wasn't your fault, it was mine.” He still doesn't look any less guilty, but I mean everything I'm saying.
Victoria scoff, looking affronted. “Oh please, she's done much worse to you.”
She's right. She's completely right. However, I know deep down that Victoria knows it's never right to out anyone, but she's probably done the same thing as me—fooled herself into thinking it's okay because I was only confiding in my friends.
“I know,” I sigh, rubbing my temples, “which is why it's so crazy that I might like her.”
“You've really never noticed it before?” Aryan says, like the thought itself is crazy and Victoria echoes his sentiments with her expressions.
“I've thought about fucking her before, but not…liking her.” I shudder at the thought. “She's been horrible to me since we were kids, how could I possibly like her? What does that say about me?”
I think I already know the answer to this deep down. It should be embarrassing to like someone like her who has borderline bullied me for years. However, along the way, I got revenge for every terrible thing she did to me. A part of me liked it too or maybe became accustomed to it.
I know I can't fully forgive her; she literally started this whole game. Yeah, I fought back eventually and we reached equal footing, but that will never change the fact that it never started off equal.
It's okay to feel guilty about outing her. Hell, it's even okay to have sex with her, but am I really one of those people? Someone who ends up liking their enemy—their bully?
Victoria nods with a sigh. “It means you're human. Trust me, I would much rather you like someone who's a better person. It took a long time for me and Aryan to realize you wanted Juliette in that way, but we got used to it. You can't help who you like.”
I nod at her words, thinking about them. She definitely has a point. I mean, imagine how confusing it was for Aryan and Victoria to figure out that I wanted Juliette or was attracted to her as they've made it clear I've wanted her for a while, which I'm still not sure I did, but they do know me better than I know myself.
If my friends—who hate Juliette maybe just as much as me and have even helped me mess with Juliette numerous times—can understand why I like Juliette, maybe I can sort of understand it too.
“And she's changing, isn't she? I saw it that day in detention,” Aryan adds.
I'm not sure what he's referring to, but I think it has something to do with her listening and apologizing to him. Honestly, when he told me that, I was shocked. She rarely apologizes.
