“Is this to get Chancellor Bren’s approval? Or Gabe’s? Or maybehis?” She points toward Kalden’s distant, retreating form. “Do you even realize how much you center your whole value around these men?”
“That’s not true,” I bite back, but she’s not done.
“After the divorce, you blamed yourself for not being Gabe’s perfect little breeding machine. And each year since, you’ve thrown yourself at any man willing to give you attention. Sun’s pits, Orelle! Just a few days ago, you were begging for a proposal from a man almost twice your age whose kisses felt like ‘mucus exchanges’—your words, not mine.”
A tear breaks free, barreling down my cheek as I stiffen. “You know I was only pursuing him to avoid being eligible for the Hunt.”
“Were you, though?” Gem shakes her head and steps in closer,dropping her voice. “I know that’s part of it, but I think there’s a bigger part of you that believes your existence won’t matter until you do enough, be enough, sacrifice enough for a man. I mean, fuck! All of us are literally groomed from day one to think that, so it’s not even your fault. And it won’t matter how many times I tell you that your existence alone is wanted and useful to me, because I’m just another woman whose opinions matter less than those of our male counterparts.”
The tears come more steadily now. I take several long, measured breaths before responding. “Your opinion means everything to me, Gem.”
“It shouldn’t, though.Youropinion of yourself should be the most important. Then, maybe mine at a close second. And T’s, of course.” She chuckles, trying to ease the tension. “All I’m saying is, you’ve already given up so much. I’d hate for you to make another sacrifice in the name of patriotism, or worse, chase after a man with an over-inflated confidence in his abilities. I want you to choose yourself, to prioritize your survival over anyone else’s and be truly selfish for once. But I don’t think you will.”
I reach for Gem’s hand, and she lets me.
“I can’t,” I whisper. “And it’s not about patriotism or chasing after Kalden or Gabe. We finally have a chance to stop this sun-damned cycle of unnecessary deaths. What if this could be the last Hunt? Or at least improve the odds for our successors. Maybe it’s naïve of me to hope for that. But if I have to risk my life to potentially save dozens, or hundreds, I will.”
Gem doesn’t respond right away. I feel her staring at me through her helmet, and I shift my weight between my feet, nervous that she’ll keep fighting me on this.
“I won’t fault you if you choose differently for yourself.” I turntoward Demi and Yvonne, who’ve graciously given Gem and me the space to work through our shit. “Same for either of you. None of us chose to be put in this mess, but we can make a choice now.”
Survival, or sacrifice. Find a semblance of safety further in the forest, or toe the line between sand and grass.
Gem’s rigid shoulders relax, but only slightly. “Where you go, I go.”
After a whispered exchange, Demi and Yvonne both nod.
“You sure?” I ask.
Yvonne shrugs. “For now.”
Demi jabs her elbow into her friend’s arm, then adds, “Sticking together as a group feels smarter than going off just us two.”
With that, we jog through the patchy shrubbery in the direction that Kalden went. It only takes a few minutes for us to catch up to him, and I suspect he intentionally slowed down for us. Unlike before, he keeps a restrained pace, never straying more than a couple of yards ahead of me. I catch him glancing over his shoulder every so often, but neither of us speaks. Gem catches on, but she too stays quiet.
It isn’t until we take a hygiene break to relieve our bladders and retreat from the midday sun that Kalden breaks the tense silence that’s festered all morning.
“Do you mind if I talk to Orelle alone for a moment?” He directs the question to Gem, who shrugs.
“That’s up to her, but why? Didn’t we just agree to stick together?”
Demi and Yvonne swivel their heads towards us to listen.
Kalden clears his throat. “There’s something sensitive I’d like to share with her, and I’m not sure it would be appropriate for the group.”
I tuck my arms against my chest. “If you make it quick.”
“Keep an eye out for any black smoke, but don’t follow it until we return.” Kalden nods, then leads me deeper into the forest.
I’m about to question how much farther he plans on taking mewhen he stops and procures two peaches from his knapsack.
“Hungry?” He tugs off his helmet and extends a hand in offering.
Pointedly ignoring the way the twin suns of his irises bear into me, I set my sights on the two fuzzy fruits in his open palm. “When did you get those?”
“This morning, your kiss tasted like peaches.” He rolls the corner of his bottom lip beneath his teeth, as if he can still taste me there. Warmth licks across my own lips at the memory of it. “I grabbed a couple on our way back to camp, in case you wanted more later.”
The way his tone deepens makes it sound like he’s talking about more than fruit.
