“You have part of my opinion,” she corrected. “I also think you are honorable, loyal, and kind. Your intelligence is tempered by humor, and while you are hard on yourself, you are generous with others. You are not perfect…but you are perfect for me. I could not imagine a better husband—a better lover or partner. Which is why I am madly, irrevocably in love with you.”
Touched, he kissed the back of her hand and tucked it against his thigh.
“I wasn’t fishing for compliments but thank you. You must know that I love you outrageously in return. Enough about my day. How is your speech?—”
“Not so fast. We are not done discussing what put you in a mood.”
He started to deny that he was in a mood but realized it was pointless. Moreover, hadn’t he been the one to insist on honesty in their marriage? If he couldn’t be truthful with his wife, then who could he share his troubles with?
Searching for the right words, he said, “I don’t want to be thought of as infallible.”
Understanding came into her eyes. “Perfection is a heavy burden to carry.”
“At the club, people were all but celebrating my victory. They alluded to my past successes and what they perceive as my winning qualities. Yet the outcome is far from certain.” He heaved out a breath. “Ryerson has been gaining momentum. While his tactics involve fearmongering and smearing his opponents, one cannot deny that they are effective. I am beginning to wonder if they might be more persuasive than my approach. What if voters don’t care about my policies and plans?”
“The fact that you take the moral high ground is admirable and signals that you are a man of character and honor. While Ryerson has found success attacking his opponents on a personal level, your strategy has better staying power. People will vote for you because you have the best ideas—because you care about their welfare and wish to create real and lasting change.”
“What if I lose?” He forced himself to give voice to his fear. “What if I don’t get the opportunity to implement my ideas?”
“Then you lose. But you will lose knowing that you have done your best, and I know for a fact that the best of James Harrington is no trifling tide.”
He huffed out a laugh. “Back to the nautical metaphors, are we?”
She squeezed his hand. “Fear of failure is natural and more so when expectations are high and consequences great.”
At her perceptiveness, he felt his chest tighten. “There it is, in a nutshell.”
“I know you don’t like the comparison, but that is partly why I thought of you as Apollo: you are the golden one, the dutiful heir and brother whom everyone can rely upon. You wear responsibility so effortlessly that sometimes it seems as if there is no cost to you. Yet there is, isn’t there?”
His eyes heated. Appalled, he stared at his shoes, fighting to regain control.
“I don’t want to fail,” he said at length. “I don’t want to be a disappointment. To let down those who have put such faith in me.”
“If you put your best effort forward—and I know you could never do anything less—then you have fulfilled your promise to them and yourself. You do not need to be perfect, James,” she said gently. “You need only be yourself.”
“What if it is not enough?”
She brushed her fingers along his jaw, angling his face so that he was looking at her.
“No matter what happens, I could not be prouder of you. I know the rest of the family feels the same way. James, my darling, you are, and have always been, enough.”
Christ.
Crushing her against him, he buried his face in her hair. She held him, giving him what he needed. He realized then that she had always given him this, since the early days of their marriage. He’d appreciated what he had thought of as her steadying presence, but it was more than that. She understood him like no one else. Even when she had kept secrets and withheld romantic sentiments because she felt herself unworthy, she had offered him her sweet and unconditional love. With her, he’d never had to be anyone but who he was.
He drew back, gazing into her warm eyes.
“Thank you for listening. For understanding.”
“What are wives for?”
“As to that. I have a few ideas.”
He leaned in to kiss her…and was surprised when she placed a finger to his lips.
“I am glad you are not perfect or infallible,” she said softly. “It makes you more suited to a mere mortal like me.”
“There is nothing mere about you, Evie.” He took her face between his hands, needing her to recognize the truth. “You are my world. You’ve said that I rescued you from ruination, but the reverse is true. You saved me. You ease my burdens and balance me—remind me that life is about more than duty. Without you, I am lost.”
