Xenia snorted. “That seems unlikely.”
She said the words without thinking, but she was rewarded by Ethan’s searching glance, an easing of the lines around his eyes.It astounded her that this dashingly virile fellow could harbor any concerns about his sexual appeal or abilities. Yet that was the insidiousness of self-doubt. Until Ethan had come into her life, she hadn’t realized the extent to which she struggled with her own self-worth.
“I am glad you think so,” he said with a trace of a smile. “But things between Constance and I were nothing like what you and I have. She and I only went to bed a few times, and at the risk of sounding ungentlemanly, the occasions were less than memorable. A few days before our wedding, she left a letter telling me she was eloping with Armand Blake, my close friend.”
“Odds bodkins,” Xenia murmured.
She suddenly recalled his request during his first visit to the Nunnery:I want something real.After being betrayed so horribly by the woman he’d intended to make his wife, no wonder his fantasy had involved genuine emotion. Genuine passion and connection.
“Odds bodkins, indeed.” Ethan’s mouth curved wryly. “I think I see now why she broke off our engagement. Not because of bedroom matters, but because I was changing. I was slowly but surely coming back to myself. My moods were far from perfect, but they were improving. Except for Owen, I started seeing more of my family again…and I didn’t needheras much. I recall now that we even fought about it. She called me ungrateful—said I didn’t value the sacrifices she’d made. I even felt guilty about it.”
“You weren’t the guilty party,” Xenia said crisply. “Did Constance marry your friend?”
“Yes. Since he’s the biggest rake of our group, she will have her hands full.”
She tilted her head. “You don’t sound too distraught about it.”
“First of all, I was never distraught over their betrayal,” he said. “I was furious. There’s a difference.”
The fact that he can split hairs has to be a good sign.
“Second, and more importantly, I realize now that everything worked out the way it should have.”
Ethan came closer, close enough that he could touch her. He didn’t, however. He looked steadily into her eyes, as if he wanted her to see he wasn’t hiding anything.
“If Constance hadn’t jilted me, I wouldn’t have come to Bottoms House. And I wouldn’t have met you. The woman who reminded me that life is worth living—who showed me the difference between merely existing and being happy.”
Her heart thumped in a giddy rhythm. “Nonetheless, I am sorry you went through what you did. Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”
“I was embarrassed.” Ruddy color washed over his cheekbones, making his irises appear even more vivid. “Being jilted is not something a fellow takes pride in. I did not want you to think less of me.”
“I understand, you know. I felt the same way when I told you about my infatuation with Tony.”
He cupped her cheek. “I would never think less of you because someone was foolish enough to let you go.”
“Likewise.”
They smiled at each other, and he was pulling her into his arms when she stopped him.
“Don’t forget we need to figure out an explanation,” she said. “To tell the others.”
“I will make an apology to Canning and everyone else in the morning.”
“Yes, but how will you explain what you said?”
He lifted his brows. “Which part?”
“The part where you said I’m yours.”
“I will tell them it’s true.”
“You can’t…” She bit her lip. “We agreed to keep our relationship a secret.”
“Youwant to keep it a secret.Iwant us to discuss our future together.”
“Ourfuture?” Her jaw slackened. “I thought I made it very clear that I cannot commit?—”
“Gigi likes you,” he said solemnly. “She thinks my family would like you too, and she’s usually right about these things.”
