“I don’t want you to think that I’m innocent. I know what I want,” she said with endearing conviction. “I fantasize about you constantly.”
“Do you, now?” He tried not to let his smugness show, but damn, it felt good to be desired. “What do you fantasize about?”
“One time, when I was making your bed, I imagined being in it with you,” she said dreamily. “We were naked, and you were on top of me, your weight pressing me into the mattress. You were kissing me, touching me everywhere…”
The notion that she’d entertained such wicked thoughts while doing her chores heated his blood. Christ, she was naughty—a perfect little vixen. He took her hand, leading her to his bed.
Her eyes shone. “Are you going to make love to me?”
“To a point,” he replied. “Until we make decisions about the future, I will not do anything irrevocable.”
“But there is no future for us.” She gnawed on her lip. “Our affair can only be temporary?—”
“For the moment, let us agree to disagree.” He lifted his brows. “Now, do you want to argue or make love?”
A pause.
“Make love.”
He hid a smile at how torn she looked.
He took her hand. “I was hoping that would be your answer, pet.”
ChapterSeventeen
Thoughts of the future vanished from Xenia’s head as Ethan took her to his bed. There was only now, this moment she’d been waiting for. Truth be told, she felt nervy and bashful, which she told herself was ridiculous. This was what she wanted. She was finally going to experience lovemaking with the lover of her dreams.
And it was as she’d said: she was a virgin in body only. She had a light-skirt’s knowledge of sex, which, combined with her imagination and lusty nature, meant she’d entertained detailed fantasies about Ethan. There was no need for her to feel shy and uncertain. What she was about to do she’d done in her head countless times before.
Yet nothing prepared her for the desire carved on Ethan’s elegant visage. He made her feel beautiful and special, heightening her arousal. Her nipples were tight buds, her knees quivering as they stopped by the side of his massive bed.
When he reached for her, she trembled in anticipation. He slid his fingers into her hair, and as he plucked out her pins, the faint pings as they hit the ground built her tension. She couldn’t have imagined how intimate this felt: a man letting down her hair for the first time. The heavy strands tumbled, falling over her shoulders and down to her waist. Her breath quickened as he captured a tress between his long, elegant fingers.
“This isn’t your real color, is it?” he said.
“No,” she admitted. “It’s a more brazen shade, I’m afraid.”
Hunger flared in his eyes. “I want to see you in your natural state.”
Even desire couldn’t stop the pulse of worry. Her bright red hair made her more recognizable...and amplified her resemblance to her mother. Whenever the papers wrote about Mama, they mentioned her delicate features and “hair as red as flames,” characteristics that were incongruous with her occupation as a cutthroat.
“Perhaps one day,” Xenia said cautiously.
“There is no perhaps about it.” His nostrils flared. “You cannot hide from me, minx. One day, I shall see all of you.”
Their intimate banter reminded her of their exchange at the Nunnery, and she felt another anxious stab at her sin of omission. However, she’d promised not to liefrom now on, and she’d been forthright, telling him she would not discuss her past. Revealing that she was Sirena would open the Pandora’s box of her past, and she wasn’t willing to risk exposing Ethan to her demons. She couldn’t bear the thought of his rejection—or, even worse, of him coming to harm because of her.
Besides, she was willing to lay Sirena to rest for the duration of her affair with Ethan. The instant he had taken her hand, she’d known that she would do anything to be his lover…and that included retiring her money-making persona. While it wasn’t the most sensible decision, she didn’t want to sell fantasies to other men while being with Ethan.
She resolved to inform the Abbess of her decision and return the ten-pound note. When her liaison with Ethan ended—and she knew that it would—she could resurrect Sirena elsewhere. For now, however, she’d earned her dream, and she was going to savor it for as long as it lasted.
“Turn around, pet,” he said.
Shivering, she did. When he started undoing her buttons, she felt a moment’s concern for his limited dexterity. She needn’t have, she realized dryly. The man had a talent for undressing women, even one-handed. She trembled as he stripped her layer by layer. Soon she stood in only her stockings and garters, discarded garments pooled at her feet. Being naked in front of a fellow was a first for her, and she instinctively folded her arms over her chest.
“Don’t hide your loveliness,” he murmured. “Let me see you.”
Slowly, she let her arms fall.
