“No, Jack.” She placed a hand on his chest and felt the potent throb of his heart. “You’ve made your apologies. Repeatedly. But I have yet to take responsibility for my part in the collapse of our marriage.”
“Because you have none,” he said with a savage shake of his head. “I was the one who deceived you. Who left you, for God’s sake.”
“Yes. But I wasn’t exactly honest with you either.” She sighed. “Iknewsomething was wrong, but I was too afraid to ask you what it was. Instead, I bottled up my fear, assumed the worst, and investigated you. Then I lashed out at you, didn’t even give you a chance to explain.”
“It does not make it right that I left.”
“It doesn’t,” she agreed. “But it makes it more understandable why you thought leaving might be the best thing. We were fighting all the time, even before I thought you were unfaithful. And I had a part in that, Jack. The entire time we were together, I had this constant fear that our happiness wouldn’t last. That you would betray me—tire of me and leave.”
“I will never tire of you,” he said fiercely. “And I won’t leave again.”
“I know that now.” She gave him a tremulous smile. “The benefit of age and experience. If we are to start afresh, we need to be honest with ourselves and one another. I don’t want us to repeat our mistakes. You needn’t take the blame for everything, and I needn’t accuse first and ask later.”
“Do you know,” he said huskily, “how damned much I love you?”
“Are you going to show me?”
His kiss was far more persuasive than words. He rolled over her, taking her down to the pillows, their mouths clinging. Tender and sweet, hot and possessive, their kiss mirrored their love, and she luxuriated in the drugging warmth of his lips, the muscular length of him pressing her into the mattress.
He lifted his head. “I have a question.”
“Yes, darling?” She sifted her fingers through his hair.
“Why only one?”
Rolling her eyes, she said, “Is this to satisfy your male vanity?”
“Since we are being honest…yes.”
Beneath his cocky smile, there was a hint of vulnerability. A past like his didn’t exactly foster self-worth. With a pang, she realized that while he’d expressed his devotion freely, she hadn’t done the same.
“Fine. You ruined all men for me.” She pretended to huff. “Does that make you happy?”
“Perhaps merely relieved that I am not competing with five to fifty lovers.” He was smiling, but his eyes were serious. “I cannot deny that I am a possessive bastard where you are concerned. But you are a passionate woman, Lottie, and I am sorry that you went without sensual pleasures for so long.”
“Who says I went without? During our separation, didn’t you take matters into your own hands?”
He cleared his throat. “Well, yes.”
“Why wouldn’t I do the same? A woman’s needs are no less than a man’s.”
“How?”
“I beg your pardon?”
“How,” he murmured, “did you pleasure yourself?”
She refused to blush. “In the usual manner.”
“Did you pet your sweet little quim with your fingers? Use a device made for that purpose?”
When she didn’t answer, he said in a low voice, “Both?”
“Really, Jack?—”
“I want to watch.”
Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t prevent heat from flooding her cheeks.
