“You have five minutes of my time. Pray do not waste it.”
“Right.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, and she hated how his boyish gesture pierced her anger. Her confident, powerful lover looked rather…unnerved. As if he were a schoolboy being summoned to the headmaster’s office and expecting the worst.
“I haven’t lied to you since my return.” He cleared his throat. “I know that doesn’t signify much, but I wanted a fresh start with you, Lottie. Obviously, I’ve had a lot of time to think about all that went wrong the first time, and even though I left to protect you, I think I also left because…because I knew in my heart you deserved better than me.”
She refused to let his earnestness affect her.
“How was it possible for you to assume another man’s identity?” she asked bluntly. “That of a peer, no less?”
“I was Sebastian Courtenay’s servant. I knew him well, probably better than anyone did.”
Her shock warred with another feeling when Jack dropped his gaze. He shoved his hands into his pockets, staring at the carpet as he spoke.
“I was only older than Sebastian by two years, and even though I was in his family’s employ, we were friends. Strange as that may sound, it’s true.”
His voice was gruff, as if he thought she wouldn’t believe that a lord would be friends with the likes of him.
“Sebastian was an only child, and when he was a babe, he had an illness that made him frail. He couldn’t do the things normal boys did, was bullied mercilessly when he tried, and spent most of his days in his chamber by himself. When I came to work as a hall boy at the Fayne estate, he was nearly a hermit. He was desperate for company, and we hit it off. His mother, the dowager marchioness, allowed us to spend time together…probably because Sebastian was happier.”
Something surfaced in Jack’s gaze—pain, Charlie guessed.
“By that time, Sebastian’s constitution was stronger, but he lacked confidence. I got him outside, taught him to play sports. I looked after him and protected him from the local bullies. In turn, he shared his books and lessons with me, showed me a world I didn’t know existed. One beyond the drudgery I’d known as an orphan and a servant.”
“You were an orphan?” Charlie said numbly.
“My ma died when I was four. My memories of her are fleeting and few, but I remember her as pretty and kind. Loving. She didn’t tell me who my pa was.” When he spoke again, his voice was pitched low. “She was a prostitute and died of the pox.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want your pity, Lottie.”
“I am too angry to pity you,” she said tartly. “I just wish you didn’t have to go through what you did. Because no child should be deprived of his or her parents, and I know this from personal experience.”
“Of course you do.”
His expression softened, but she wasn’t ready to mend fences. His deception went deeper than she realized, and until she had the facts and could judge for herself whether she could accept his explanations, she couldn’t allow herself to weaken.
“You still haven’t explained how you became Sebastian Courtenay,” she pointed out.
“Right.” He raked a hand through his hair. “As Sebastian came into adulthood, his health continued to improve. He was an idealist who craved the kind of adventure he’d read about in books; more than anything, he wanted to be a hero. He got it into his head that he wanted to buy a commission in the army. But his mama…she still clung to her image of him as a child. She coddled him, wanted to keep him tied to her apron strings, and used guilt and whatever means necessary to keep him by her side.” Jack’s jaw hardened. “He grew resentful. Eventually, he rebelled and ran off. I was sent after him, and when I traced his steps in London, I discovered that he hadn’t joined the army. He’d somehow got himself mixed up in espionage.”
She stared at him. “Was Sebastian ready for such an endeavor?”
“No.”
The single word sent a chill down her spine.
“But using his family name and fortune, he had bluffed his way in. He traveled to Venice on what was supposed to be a simple mission. Using his name to gain entrée, Sebastian was to attend a house party and deliver a message to an agent about suspected local members of the First Flame. By this time, I had located the spymaster, explained everything, and he agreed to let me extract Sebastian from the mission. I arrived at Sebastian’spensionehours before the party…but someone else had gotten there first.”
Jack’s gaze was blank, turned inward, and Charlie knew whatever he was seeing haunted him even now. She reached for his hand. Feeling how cold he was, she squeezed his fingers, sharing her warmth with him before letting go.
“What happened to Sebastian?” she asked.
It wasn’t hard for her to guess, but Jack needed to purge the poison.
“He’d been stabbed. There were no signs of struggle,” Jack said tonelessly. “Just Sebastian lying on the floor next to his bed in a pool of his own blood. He barely had any strength left. And he used what remained to shove a crumpled note into my hands.Finish the job,he said.Be Fayne. Show them I’m a hero.”
