“I wasn’t being critical. I’ve always found your enjoyment of food charming.”
“I don’t care what you think.” She took another bite of apple, chewing pointedly.
His smile reached his eyes. “Also a part of your charm.”
“If I am so charming, why did you leave?”
The question burst from her. Then again, it had been festering ever since he came back. And she deserved an answer.
When Sebastian didn’t respond right away, frustration gripped her. But it was frustration tinged with despair. It was the feeling of banging her head against the same wall again and again, and the only thing that changed was the dent she was putting into her own skull.
Why are his secrets so dear to him? Why are they more important to him than me?
“It was never about you,” he said finally.
“I will thank you to have the decency not to lie,” she said bitterly. “Of course it was about me. You faked your death to get out of our marriage?—”
“I loved you.”
Three words, and they were enough to crumble her defenses. She stared at him, her mouth open, not a single word coming out. What was the appropriate response, after all?
“There will never be another woman for me. That is why I stayed true to my vows.” His features were fierce and held no embarrassment or shame.
She had to swallow past her heart to get the words out. “Then why did you?—”
“They threatened you—the anarchists I was hunting then, the same ones I am after now. That last night we fought, I was supposed to meet with an informant. She’d joined the First Flame Society thinking that they would bring about a revolution for the working class but soon realized that the group’s only goal was destruction and chaos. She wanted out and agreed to help my team bring down the anarchists. She was feeding me information but was worried the enemy suspected something.”
“We’re in danger. We need to meet,” Charlie murmured.
Sebastian shot her a startled look.
“I found that note in your things,” she clarified. “That was from your mole?”
His nod was bleak. “I was supposed to meet her at an old warehouse that night. I arrived too late; the anarchists got to her first.”
His jaw tightened, lines slashing around his mouth. Charlie saw clearly for the first time what the shadows were in his eyes: ghosts. She waited, her heart rattling against her ribs.
“They’d left her strung up. Didn’t even cut her down after they’d tortured her for hours.” Sebastian’s tone had a removed quality that Charlie understood—that she’d used herself when describing the horrors of her work. “They did something else too.”
He took a breath, and Charlie tensed.
“Her husband and daughter—they were there. The bastards had murdered them in front of her. Slit their throats and she was helpless to stop them.”
Bile rose in Charlie’s throat. She reached for Sebastian’s hand, offering comfort, holding on. Their fingers linked on the blanket.
“They’d left a note too. A warning.” His pupils were dilated, darkness snuffing out the light. “Back off, or your family is next.And I couldn’t…I couldn’t let that happen to you. The woman I loved. My team and I, we arranged the bodies of the informant and her husband to look like me and a lover. I left some of my hair, and the fire we set at the taverna…well, it took care of the rest.”
His fingers spasmed against hers, and while they were callused from countless battles, they were also cold. Her warrior of a husband, whom she’d believed to be larger than life and beyond fear, was terrified…at the thought of her being harmed. Of losing her.
Understanding shifted her perspective, making space for her to examine all the emotions jammed inside her. She was still angry, yes, for his stupid decision—for not trusting her enough to tell her the truth and acting on his own. But she was also filled with sadness and regret and a strange sort of relief now that she finally,finallyunderstood what had happened. Even if she wanted to rant at him for the decisions he’d made, his explanation made sense…in a way that his supposed infidelity never had.
All along, she’d felt there was something shady about his death. So much so that she’d investigated it for years. Now she knew why.
Because deep down, deep in the recesses of her soul, she’d believed in his love. In their bond. In the alchemy that had forged them into one from the day they met. A part of her rejoiced in the discovery that she hadn’t been wrong about her husband, hadn’t been delusional…and another part raged.
“I understand why you did what you did.” Her voice trembled. “But you took away my choice, Sebastian. And you did it in the cruelest way possible.”
“I had to.” His eyes were full of remorse but also resolute. “If I didn’t stage my death the way I did, you would have been suspicious. You were already suspicious about my absences. I needed to make you angry—so furious that you wouldn’t give a damn about my death. That you would think ‘good riddance’ and count yourself lucky to be done with your bastard of a husband and move on.”
