“She was coercing you,” Lottie burst out.
“Yes and no.” A sigh shuddered from him. “I did have an affair with Judith. Willingly. It lasted for years. It was wrong, and I knew it, but even though I wanted to stop, I…I couldn’t.”
He hated his weakness. Hated how confused he’d been by the pleasure and the pain.
“It was not your fault.” Lottie framed his face with her hands, holding his gaze. “You were sixteen when the relationship started?”
He gave a terse nod.
“She was sixteen years your senior. An experienced woman and widow. Not to mention, she was also your employer and had power over your livelihood and future. Think about it, Jack: in that situation, who had the power? Who seduced whom? Who was in control?”
The memories slithered through his head. Judith’s touches, seemingly innocuous at first. When he fetched her something, she would brush his hand with her fingers. Or, several times, she’d “accidentally” bumped into him, pressing her breasts against his chest. And the incident that had started it all: he’d been whipped by the butler for breaking something, and she’d treated his wounds with a tenderness that had filled him with bewildered gratitude.
Gratitude that had turned into something else, something that had twisted his insides with heat and confusion, when she’d reached between his legs, saying,I’ll make everything feel better, dear…
Yet he couldn’t deny that he had reacted physically to her.
“She may have instigated the affair,” he said gruffly. “But she didn’t force me into it. I was grown by then, big for my age?—”
“Who told you that? Judith?”
Lottie’s acuity took him aback. Judith had told him what a man he was, and he’d liked it at the time. Liked feeling mature and worthy of a woman’s attention.
“There are many kinds of coercion,” Lottie said quietly. “Physical force is but one. Preying upon another’s needs and weaknesses is a form of coercion as well.”
It sickened him to recognize that Judithhaddone that. That he’d given her the power to do so.
“A man must take responsibility for his actions,” he said stubbornly.
“And that little gem came from Lancaster, no doubt,” Lottie said.
His surprise must have shown, for she smiled humorlessly.
“During my chat with your leader, I gave him a piece of my mind for not telling you what I am telling you now. What you shouldknow. Instead of helping you see that Judith was the bloody predator, that she manipulated you for her own selfish reasons, Lancaster did thesame. He used your guilt and shame, your dashed noble nature, to convince you that you needed to redeem yourself by following his orders.”
Awareness spread through Jack like dawn breaking outside. The way Lottie explained things made them seem obvious. Yet they hadn’t been to him until now.
“Delaney said that Primus uses us for his own ends,” he said. “And I shouldn’t fall for it.”
“Then I like Miss Delaney even more,” Lottie declared.
At that, he had to raise his brows.
“Perhaps I let jealousy get the better of me in the past,” she allowed. “But I am turning a new leaf. And so should you, darling. Stop punishing yourself for what happened—with Judith and Sebastian. You are not to blame. Iknowyou, and if I hadn’t been blinded by my own pain and prejudices, I would have seen that diary for what it was: an evil woman’s attempt to twist the situation to her advantage.”
Her words held the wisdom of a goddess and granted him the absolution he’d been searching for.
His eyes heated. “You truly believe that, Lottie?”
“I love you, Jack Granger. Even if you’ve concealed things from me, you have never hidden yourself,” she said fiercely. “The loyal, protective, and good man that you are. And I would be proud to be your wife, to stand by your side for the rest of our days, if you still want me.”
“I love you,” he said raggedly. “I never stopped, and I never will. Because of the woman you are. My wise goddess who isn’t afraid to fight for good. My beautiful wife who makes me feel alive and whole, like the luckiest bastard in the world. I cannot wait to officially make you mine again.”
Her eyes shone with the brilliance of her love. “Then kiss me, my darling. Before we go and win our final battle.”
She tipped her head up, and he brought his mouth to hers, coming home at last.
Forty
