“Semantics.” She shook her head. “You never learn, do you?”
“What the bloody hell is that supposed to mean?”
“What was the mistake you made, Granger?”
“I married Charlotte. Dragged her into the mess that is my existence. Something I had no business doing.”
“Wrong.” Delaney braced her hands on her waist. “How long have we known each other?”
“Too long, obviously,” he muttered. “If you feel entitled to pry into my affairs.”
“Fifteen years,” she said as if he hadn’t spoken. “In all that time, how often have I seen you happy?”
The feelings inside him swelled, his throat constricting.
“Two times,” she informed him. “The first time was when you wed your lady. The second, when you returned to her. In between, you were bleeding miserable. Half-alive, going through the motions like a blasted automaton.”
Delaney wasn’t wrong.
“I don’t deserve her,” he said tautly. “After the things I’ve done?—”
“You, me, Laurent—we’ve all done things. As nasty as those things might have been, they were done in the service of good.”
“I meant even before the espionage.”
Delaney squinted at him. “Did Primus tell you that?”
“Tell me what?”
“Did he sell you the notion,” she said succinctly, “that you had to redeem your past by working for him?”
Feeling a fissure in his numbness, Jack shifted on his feet.
“He did. Blooming hell, you didn’t actuallybuyhis snake oil, did you?”
“I committed an unpardonable sin,” Jack said gruffly. “Primus gave me a way to better myself.”
“No, Granger. Primus gavehimselfa loyal and obedient underling to do his bidding. That is what we are to him, you know. Useful pawns in his game.”
Cracks spread through Jack’s wall of detachment. Because she was right. Primuswasruthless and expedient, and Jack had always known this. In fact, he hadn’t been surprised that Primus had sent Lottie the diary. The spymaster used everything at his disposal—including those who worked for him—to achieve what he wanted.
“Why do you continue to work for him?” Jack asked suddenly.
“Because I use Primus as much as he uses me.” Delaney spoke as if Jack might lack basic intelligence. “The codger has made me rich, helped me hone my natural talents, and freed me from boredom—and by that, I mean a life where I must answer to a husband and have a brace of brats hanging on my apron strings. Marital bliss ain’t for all. In return, I help Primus battle evil. Seems like a fair exchange; I might even come out ahead. But you…”
“What about me?”
But Jack already knew. Feeling was seeping through, a wash of scarlet over his senses.
“Primus is using you, and you’re too decent a fellow to use him back. For you, the scales will never be balanced. You are also his favorite and second-in-command, which means Primus will do whatever it takes to keep you under his thumb.”
“I told Primus that I was getting back together with Lottie,” Jack bit out. “That I was leaving espionage behind. He turned around and instigated a rift between her and me.”
“Ingenious but unsurprising.” Delaney quirked a brow. “What are you going to do about it?”
He shoved a hand through his hair because he didn’t know. Didn’t know how he could convince Lottie that while he was far from perfect, he wasn’t the monster Judith made him out to be. But he did know one thing.
“I am not going to run away,” he said with sudden clarity. “Not this time. Even if I have to spend the rest of my life proving to Lottie that I am worthy of her, I will.”
