She hazarded a guess. “Since your wife died?”
He rarely spoke of his first marriage; because of their agreement, she had never pushed him. Yet her intuition told her that his past was important. It would help her to understand him and navigate the growing complexity of their marriage.
Hawk gave a terse nod. “Losing Caroline was…it was difficult.”
Because you loved her?
Snuffing the flicker of possessiveness, Fi asked, “What was Caroline like?”
Lines deepened on Hawk’s forehead. “She was quiet and gentle, a well-mannered lady. An intellectual who preferred the company of books over people.”
In other words, Caroline was the opposite of Fiona. A perfect lady who wasn’t just masquerading as one. Heart sinking, Fi berated herself: she knew it was silly and immature to compete with a ghost. Yet learning that Caroline’s personality matched so well with Hawk’s made her sick with jealousy.
Fi drew a breath. “Since Caroline and I are so different, there is no reason for you to fear that we will come to the same end, is there?”
Hawk drew his brows together. “That is hardly the point.”
“That is precisely the point. Because you lost your first wife, you fear that something might happen to me. But, as you are fond of pointing out, that smacks of bad logic.”
“Caroline has nothing to do with this,” he said tightly. “We are discussing you and your reckless behavior. Do not try to deflect.”
“And do not presume to lecture me,” she retorted. “We have our terms, and we are sticking to them. I will not bow down to your high-handedness, Hawksmoor. You cannot tell me what to do.”
She saw the moment she pushed him too far. When his temper broke through his control.
“For your own bloody good, you will do as I say,” he growled.
“Or what?” she flung back. “What will you do if I am not the perfect wife that Caroline was?”
The lightning-filled tempest in his eyes halted her breath.
Hawk still grieves Caroline, still loves her…when I want his heart to belong tome.The realization shook her.Botheration, do I truly want his love, knowing that it will come with restrictions? With disapproval, rejection, and pain?
“You are overwrought.” Hawk straightened his lapels, speaking in the detached manner that she hated. “This is a conversation better had in the morning when we are both rested.”
The carriage was slowing to a stop. They were home. Only she felt terrifyingly unmoored…as if the ground were crumbling beneath her feet. She might be losing her heart. Might be falling in love with her husband, who not only harbored feelings for his dead wife but showed an inability to accept Fi for who she was.
If he cannot handle my explanation that I was helping a friend tonight,Fi thought in despair,how will he ever accept that I am an investigator?
Needing to steady herself, she grabbed the handle of the door. “When we have this conversation matters not. If you cannot accept me as I am, then our marriage is over.”
Opening the door, she descended on her own and dashed into the house.
Twenty-Seven
The following afternoon, the Marquess and Marchioness of Harteford came to visit. They brought along their other daughter-in-law Effie. After Fi gave a tour of the house, Hawk and his papa retreated to his study while Fi entertained the ladies in the drawing room.
“What lovely changes you’ve implemented, Fiona,” Lady Helena said. “You’ve breathed new life into the place.”
Effie’s blonde ringlets bounced as she surveyed the drawing room.
“Your décor is ever so fashionable,” she enthused.
The refurbishment had turned out well. The faded beige walls had been repainted a vibrant forest green. The new rosewood furnishings gleamed with polish, and the fringed pillows matched the rich hues of the freshly cleaned Aubusson.
“I am glad you both approve.” Fi distributed gilt-rimmed cups of tea. “My mama’s decorator, Mr. Stiles, did most of the work.”
“You are far too modest, my dear. Mr. Stiles’s work always reflects the taste of his clients. You have your own distinct style, and heaven knows this place needed your touch.” Lady Helena’s hazel eyes had a conspiratorial glint. “Do tell: when you decided to refurbish the place, did Thomas put up much of a fight?”
