His voice had a serrated edge. She recalled the pain in his eyes when she’d carelessly thrown Maisie’s words at him and accused him of being unreliable.
“Is that true of you and your sister?” she asked cautiously.
“Maisie can count on me,” Cull said with brooding intensity. “Whether or not she believes it.”
“What happened between the two of you, Cull?”
He set aside his plate. “The story is not mine to tell.”
“I understand if you don’t want to tell me.” Even if she felt a bit hurt by his reticence.
“It’s not that.” His deep brown gaze was somber and open. “If I were to unburden myself to anyone, it would be to you. But I haven’t been a good brother to Maisie. And I don’t want to compound my failings by betraying her secrets.”
“You don’t have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable,” Pippa assured him.
“Suffice it to say that I wasn’t the brother I ought to have been.” Cull dragged a hand through his hair, tousling the thick waves. “You know that I missed occasions. Birthdays, events at the academy. Even her graduation.”
Pippa nodded. As a young girl, Maisie had been disappointed; as she’d grown into womanhood, that disappointment had hardened into anger. Knowing Cull as she did now, Pippa couldn’t reconcile Maisie’s characterization of him as uncaring and unreliable. There had to be a reason for Cull’s absences.
“Why weren’t you there?” Pippa asked softly.
“Because I was busy with the mudlarks. After what happened with Crooke—after that bastard tried to force the mudlarks into the flesh trade—I knew we couldn’t be without a prince. But none of the older boys stepped up, and instead they nominatedme. Even though I’d been beaten to a bloody pulp by Crooke.” He shook his head, as if even now he couldn’t believe that the others had seen him as a leader. “I worked my arse off day and night and still didn’t know what I was doing. I made mistakes, grave ones…ones that cost lives.”
Seeing the shadows spill like ink through his eyes, she pushed aside the dishes and scooted next to him. She touched his coat sleeve and felt his bunched biceps beneath the worn superfine.
“You did your best,” she said in gentle tones. “You were willing to take the reins when no one else would. And you were only fifteen—barely more than a boy.”
“One grows up fast in the stews. The mudlarks needed someone better, but all they had was me,” he said gruffly. “I did my best by them. I just couldn’t manage to do thatandbe a good brother to Maisie.”
“You were responsible for so many. It was not your fault.”
“Maisie doesn’t see it that way. And she’s right: I did choose the mudlarks over her.” Regret and frustration strained his voice. “But I didn’t make that decision out of a lack of care.”
Pippa understood. “You did it because youdocare. You brought her to my parents’ school, made sure she was safe and looked after.”
“She was better off there. Without me. I wanted her to have a different life, a better one than I could offer her. Maisie, she was always the bright one of the family.” Pride flared in his eyes. “She caught onto the schooling right quick.”
“Maisie was a model student, but she wasn’t better off without you. And no matter how angry she was, I know she still looked up to you.” Pippa tilted her head. “Have you thought about mending fences with her?”
“She won’t forgive me,” he said unequivocally. “And I don’t blame her.”
“But perhaps if you—”
“She’s settled now. Happy with her post in Bristol. I won’t disturb her peace.”
Hearing the finality in his words, Pippa knew better than to argue. It wasn’t her place, anyway, to tell him what to do. They were having an affair, not…more. Even though their no-strings-attached relationship felt more intimate than her marriage ever had.
“Relationships are complicated, aren’t they?” she reflected aloud.
“Aye, they can be.”
“Good thing ours is not.” She lightened her tone, smiling at him. “I’m glad that we found each other again, Cull. That we can be friends.”
“Is that what we are?”
His question, uttered with a sensual rasp, ruffled her. The truth was their relationship defied conventional categorization.
“I meant that I enjoy our camaraderie,” she clarified. “How natural it feels to be with you, whether we are chatting, investigating, or…doing whatever else.”
