He took her hand. It was the hand of a countess: delicate, slim, smooth. Although his grip attested to the roughness of his life, their fingers twined with natural ease on the cushion between them.
“You wanted to talk,” he prompted.
She looked up from their joined hands, her expression bemused. “This feels easier than it ought to. Being here with you, I mean. After all…the complications.”
“Maybe we’re making things complicated. Maybe things are simple.” He was speaking to himself as much as to her. “I want you, Pippa, and I think you want me too.”
Her nod sent a surge of triumph through him. Bleeding hell, at long last…
“I want to explore whatever this is between us,” she said slowly. “Without expectation. Or pressure. I have lived too long with both, and what I want, what I deserve, is freedom. I will not give up my independence again—for anyone.”
“I understand.” And he did.
I wasn’t crying for Longmere, you nodcock. I was crying for myself,Pippa had told him. But while she might be done mourning her undeserving husband—Halle-bloody-lujah—Cull could understand why she wouldn’t be eager to dive head-first into another relationship. With quiet rage, he recalled her poignant confession.I was crying because I finally understood that maybe there’s nothing wrong with me after all.That Pippa should doubt, for even a second, that she was anything but perfect…it made him feel fit to kill.
Since Cull’s fury wasn’t going to help Pippa, he locked it away. Focused on the opportunity at hand. With a sense of irony, he recognized that her desire to keep her freedom might very well make her the perfect match for what he had to offer.
“I will not make demands beyond what you are ready to give. And the truth is…” He tightened his clasp on her, even as he said the words. “I have nothing to offer you beyond the moment.”
Not when he had the mudlarks to look after. A target on his back.
Not to mention a face full of scars.
And while Pippa might be able to overlook their differences in station, he knew her place was ultimately in the lavish upper bowers of society. Not in the gutter with him. No lady in her right mind would relinquish the title of a countess to be with a man who didn’t even bear his father’s name.
“A thing of beauty is a joy forever,” she said softly. “Its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness.”
He blinked. “Did you come up with that just now?”
“No, silly. That is from a poem by John Keats.”
Her breathtaking smile caused his chest to ache along with his cock.
“You made me think of it. Of how beauty, no matter if it is fleeting, brings us enduring joy and changes us for the better. While I have no need of promises from you, there is one thing I would ask.”
Dazzled by her, he murmured, “What is it?”
“I want to see you without your mask.”
Reality was colder than a plunge in the Thames. He’d been so caught up in the beauty of being with Pippa that he’d forgotten his own ugliness. Releasing her hand, he pulled away.
“If we are to be lovers,” she carried on softly, “then you don’t have to keep up appearances with me. It is you I want to get to know, Timothy Cullen, not the enigmatic Prince of Larks.”
You must tell her. Do it and be done with it. Her reaction will be…what it will be.
No matter how he’d prepared himself for this moment, he still had to drag out the truth.
“It’s never been about keeping an aura of mystery. Not with you.” He inhaled. “Five years ago, the old mudlarks’ headquarters caught on fire. It was the middle of the night, and the little ones were fast asleep. We managed to get most of them out, but two of the girls were missing. I went back for them.
“I found them, but as we were exiting, one of the beams collapsed on top of me, knocked me out. Luckily, the girls weren’t hurt and went for help. Mikey and several others hauled me out, and I’m lucky to be breathing today.” He thought of his best friend Patrick, who hadn’t been as lucky; how could he feel sorry for himself when Patrick had sacrificed so much more? “I didn’t escape entirely unscathed, however.”
Pippa’s eyes widened, and he wondered if she was imagining what lay behind his leather shield. Whether what she pictured was better or worse than what he saw in the looking glass every day.
“I’m lucky the job requires a mask.” He tried to make light of the subject but realized he couldn’t. “What’s underneath here…it is ugly, Pippa.”
Maybe she’ll leave it at that. Tell me she’s no longer interested and end things now.
A part of him almost wanted her to.
