“You listen to me now.” Grier slammed his glass down onto the side table, startling Cull into silence. “My wife is lying in our bedchamber with a bullet wound in ’er side. She’s going to live, but the recovery ain’t going to be a stroll through Hyde Park.”
Cull’s gut twisted. “I know.”
“And when she came to and was aware of everything that ’ad ’appened, do you know what she said to me?”
“No.”
“‘Don’t let that fool lad think this is his fault.’”
Cull’s eyes heated.
“Now you know Fanny, she’s not one for regrets. But I know that if ’er life ’ad taken a different direction, she would’ve wanted a son like you. Even if you’re not ’er blood, she looks at you with a mother’s pride. And do you know why?”
Dragging his sleeve across his eyes, Cull shook his head.
“Because you grew up like she did, like I did, and you didn’t let that destroy your decency.” Grier nodded. “In fact, you remind Fanny and me of our friend, the former owner of our club.”
Cull knew of Andrew Corbett, of course. He was a legend in the rookery. A former prostitute turned successful businessman, he’d used his wealth to champion charitable causes. He’d founded Nursery House with Fanny, and his good deeds numbered so many that he’d been knighted by the Queen.
“I don’t see why,” Cull said wryly. “No one is addressing me asSir.”
“Corbett was made a knightbecausehe’sa gentleman. Not vice versa. And that’s ’ow you’re like ’im. The way you treat others, protect those little birds…not many would take that on. So even if you fail from time to time, lad, youtry—which puts you ’ead and shoulders above most men.”
Cull hunched his shoulders. “When I fail, people get hurt—”
“It wasn’t you who shot Fanny but that bastard Squibb. You may be the Prince o’ Larks, but you’re still a man, which means you cannot know everything and protect everyone. As a leader, you’ll suffer losses no matter what you do. Do you try to minimize them? Yes. Do you learn from your mistakes? Absolutely. Do you sit ’ere and blame yourself for every bad thing that ’appens? No, you do not—because that is not what a leader does.”
Grappling with his friend’s counsel, Cull said, “The truth is I…I never wanted to be a leader.”
“That’s too bloody bad. Because you’re a damned fine one who ’as stepped up time and again when no one else would. Why do you think those mudlarks look up to you, eh? Why do you think my lass who, let’s face it, ain’t no soft touch, acts like a meddling mama where you’re concerned? They know your worth, Cullen. And they choose to be around you.
“Who else are you carrying on your back? Your sister, your mam?” Grier’s gaze was unrelenting. “This is what you have to learn:people make their own choices.It ain’t only foolish o’ you to take responsibility: it’s bloody arrogant.”
Pippa had called him arrogant too. And, Cull realized with a jolt of clarity, he had deserved it. She and Grier were right. It wasn’t his responsibility to decide what was best for others. And it certainly wasn’t his place to tell her where she belonged. Jesus wept. He had a strong, loyal, and beautiful woman who wanted to be part of his world and to stick by him, through thick and thin…and he’d shut her out, telling her all he’d wanted was a bit of fun?
“I’m anidiot,” he said, stunned.
“’Appens to the best o’ us, Cullen.”
“I pushed away the woman I love.” He dragged both hands through his hair, planting his elbows on his knees. “And I told her it was for her own good.”
Grier winced. “Ach. I don’t envy you the groveling that’s in your future, lad.”
Cull’s gut clenched as he recalled the hurt in Pippa’s eyes. How she’d compared him to her sod of a former husband…and she hadn’t been wrong. Remorse percolated through Cull as he recognized that hehadlocked her up, even if the cage was a pedestal. By idealizing her, he hadn’t allowed himself to see the dazzling complexity of who she was: a lady, yes, but also a bold and capable partner, a sensual wanton…and his true companion.
His princess, who belonged in his bed and by his side.
He shot to his feet. “I have to talk to her, beg her forgiveness—”
“Cullen! I know you’re in there.” A deep voice boomed through the house. “Come out, you lily-livered bastard, and face me like a man.”
Grier sprang to his feet. “Who in blazes is that?”
Already headed for the door, Cull turned and said with a grimace, “God willing, my future father-in-law.”
39
After nightfall, the Angels and their team arrived at the General Cemetery for All Souls in Kensal Green. Their carriages dropped them outside the gates; they couldn’t risk the sound of the conveyances alerting the guards to their presence. The public cemetery ran east to west and occupied over fifty acres. Pippa had visited during the day to pay respects to Longmere, but at night the place lost its tranquil, garden-like ambiance. Moonlight filtered through the drifting clouds, illuminating an eerie landscape of swaying trees, looming mausoleums, and jutting gravestones.
