“I can’t hurt you, Pippa. My world is full of danger, and if something happened to you because of me…”
I would go out of my mind. I wouldn’t survive. I could take anything…but that.
“It won’t,” he said with finality. “Because I will not allow it.”
“Why is it your choice? What about whatIwant?” Her voice trembled. “I don’t care about the danger. I can take care of myself…or better yet, we can look out for each other, Cull. That’s what we’ve been doing, isn’t it? And it’s working…at least for me. I’m happy and feel like I’m finally becoming the woman I am meant to be. Aren’t you…aren’t you happy too?”
Christ, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. And because of that, Fanny got hurt.
He shoved aside his despair. Ruthlessly chose his next words.
“It was fun while it lasted,” he said with calculated indifference. “Youwere fun. But I ought to have stuck to my original rules: nothing beyond the moment. And the moment is over.”
“You arrogant blighter,” she choked out. “You are no different from Longmere.”
He couldn’t stop himself from scowling. “I am nothing like that bastard.”
“Aren’t you?” Her smile was bitter. “Both of you want a fantasy version of me. Longmere wanted the perfect countess at his beck and call. You only want the lady who will never leave her pedestal of perfection.”
“Ineverput you on a bloody pedestal. The Enchanted Rose? The sodding orgy?” He glowered at her. “I want you to be free to experience life as you wish.”
“But only when it comes to pleasure. Under the cover of masks. What about the rest of life, Cull?”
Her pleading tone shredded his insides.
“I want everything with you,” she said. “For better or worse.”
“I…I can’t, Pippa,” he said hoarsely. “The life I have to offer—it’s not good enough. You deserve better.”
“I deserve a man who loves me.” Her voice cracked but did not break. “Who is willing to fight for our love heart, body, and soul. Clearly, you are not that man.”
Shoulders high, she turned and left.
Just as his mam had predicted, he was left alone beneath the starless sky. His eyes and scars burned. As he watched Pippa exit onto the street below, he knew that she would not return, and anguish smothered his last flicker of hope.
38
Pippa had had her heart broken before.
But never smashed to smithereens. Never reduced to grit and dust.
With Edwin, she had mourned a fantasy she’d created. With Cull, she had experienced something better than any relationship she could dream up in her head. The passion and friendship, the laughter, tears, and even the fighting—at long last, she’d discovered what real love felt like.
Until Cull took it all away.
Pippa spent the day after licking her wounds. When Mama and Papa stopped by early that morning, she wept in the former’s arms and begged the latter not to interfere. It had taken visible effort, but Papa reined in his temper.
“It is for the best, poppet,” he said gruffly. “Better to find out the kind of man he is now than when it’s too late.”
Pippa didn’t have the heart to tell him that itwastoo late. She’d fallen in love with a man who didn’t want her. Who would rather keep her in a cage of perfection than let her fly by his side.
After her parents left, she sent Charlie a note to explain why she wasn’t up for working today. She was plagued by restlessness…and a sudden unstoppable urge. She went to her sitting room and dragged out her paints. Propping a canvas onto the easel, she didn’t bother to sketch or plan; she just grabbed a brush and let herself go.
As tears streamed down her face, she lost herself in color, in the movement of her brush, the play of darkness and light and life filling the canvas. When Suzette came to inquire about luncheon, Pippa waved her away. She wanted nothing but the solace of her art: the fire that burned inside her, that Cull had revived. That not even a broken heart could douse again. She painted freely and fiercely and fearlessly even as her world went up in flames.
When a knock sounded on the door, Pippa said absently, “Not now. I’m busy.”
The door opened anyway, and Livy, Fi, and Glory traipsed in.
