“I loved her, you know. Despite everything that…that went on in my marriage.” His voice broke. “I loved my wife.”
How Livy wished she could shoulder some of his pain. “I know you did.”
And because he looked like he needed it, she gave him a hug, the way she might comfort her brothers when they had a bad day. Since he was much taller, she wrapped her arms around his waist, tucking her head against his spice-and-Hadleigh-scented waistcoat. After a heartbeat, his arms circled her, nearly crushing her with the force of his grief.
That was the thing most people did not understand about Hadleigh: his jaded insouciance hid a man of intense feeling. Over the years, Livy had come to realize how harshly he judged himself. She could not let him take on one more sin.
“I am sorry you must go through this,” she whispered. “But know that you are not at fault. And that you are not alone.”
A tremor travelled through his lean frame. “What would I do without you?”
“You’ll never have to find out,” she promised.
“But maybe I should.”
Before she could puzzle out his gruff words, he let her go.
Jamming his hands into his coat pockets, he said, “I need to get away, Livy. I am not…I’m not doing well.”
“You do look a bit worse for the wear,” she said candidly. “Why don’t you come to stay at Strathmore Castle? Mama says Scottish air is medicine, and it has done wonders for Will’s constitution—”
“No. I have to be alone.”
“Your country seat, then. It is not too far. Papa and I can come to visit and—”
“I won’t be seeing visitors.”
She paused at his stark look. “Not…not even me?”
“Not even you, little one.”
“But why not?” she asked in bewilderment. “I wouldn’t be a bother. You and I are good at being alone together, remember?”
“I am not right, Livy.”
“You’re not ill, are you?” she asked with sudden anxiety.
“Not in the way you mean.” He shoved a hand through his hair, dark without the burnished kiss of the sun. “It is a grown-up matter, something I must take care of on my own. But I promise you that when I am well, you will be the first person I seek.”
“How long will your recovery take?” she asked, her bottom lip trembling.
“I do not know.”
“Days? Or weeks? Notmonths—”
“Livy.” He cut her off with a look. “I truly do not know, and you hounding me isn’t going to change that.”
Panic beat inside her chest at the thought of losing him. “But what will I do without you? Soon I will be introduced into Society, and it is bound to be a disaster. I will need your advice.” An even worse thought slammed into her. “What if you forget all about me?”
He laughed, and for a moment, the shadows receded from his thin face.
“How could I forget my little queen, whom I fished from a pond, hmm?” He chucked her beneath the chin. “If anything, it will beyouwho forgets me. You’ll be too busy taking Society by storm to pay your old chum any mind.”
“I could never forget you,” she vowed fiercely. “And I will always be here for you.”
“We shall see.” His smile faded into something exquisitely sad. “Nothing lasts forever.”
He was wrong. The love and loyalty of a McLeoddidlast forever. Yet from his expression, she could see that words were not enough; she would have to prove it to him.
