Ben had tracked Longmere down to the Black Lion, spotting the man with the group of bastards he was all too familiar with. The years he’d kept company with the Horsemen told him it was no coincidence that the trail had led to them. The question was not whether they were involved with the deadly drug, but in what fashion.
Yet at the sight of Livy, Ben had abandoned his quarry. What in blazes was she doing by herself, dressed like a whore, in a disreputable Whitechapel tavern? Having blown his night’s mission for her sake, he wasn’t about to do further damage by telling her about his covert quest.
“I was in pursuit of a diversion,” he said shortly. “A gentleman’s prerogative.”
She narrowed her eyes at him, but not before he caught the hurt that flashed through those peerless celadon orbs. A moment later, the hurt was replaced by a mutinous gleam.
She tilted her chin up. “Not only a gentleman’s. I was there for the same reason.”
While Livy was undoubtedly bold, she wasn’t a hussy. From what he’d observed over the years, she was not much of a flirt, nor did she actively encourage male attention. If he were honest, the only man she’d shown any interest in…was him.
And, damn his eyes, he couldn’t deny that he liked it that way. As wrong and forbidden as it was. As undeserving as he was of her adulation. Regardless, her assertion that she was out chasing carnal thrills tonight was preposterous and maddening.
“The devil you were.” He clenched his jaw. “Don’t lie to me.”
“If you can go gallivanting, then why can’t I?” she shot back.
“You know full well why not. Because you’re a damned virgin and a lady.”
“Dash it all. That isn’t fair!”
“Too bloody bad. I do not make the rules. Now stop trying to evade the question: what in blazes were you doing at the Black Lion dressed like a light-skirt?”
She took a breath. Exhaled slowly. Buying time, no doubt.
“Because I wanted to know what it was like to be a real woman…the kind you would be interested in.”
Her words, wholly unexpected, stunned him into silence.
“You called me asilly little girl,” she burst out. “Said you only wanted a real woman. Well, I wanted to know what it was like to be such a female.”
“And you thought parading like a trollop in a tavern was the way to gain that experience?” he said incredulously. “Are you mad?”
“I am perfectly sane, as you know. And I can take care of myself.” She gave him an annoyed look. “Why do you care what I do, anyway? You’ve rejected me three times and told me to stay away from you. As I’ve been minding my own affairs, I expect you to extend me the same courtesy. I am no concern of yours.”
Stay calm. Stay in control.
He drew in a breath through his nose. “You know that is not true, Livy. I do care about you. I just…I just cannot be the man you want me to be.”
“I only want you to be you.”
God help him.Mesmerized by her sincerity and unwavering gaze, he felt his control slip a notch. She was so damned beautiful, inside and out. The promise of a life he’d once longed for and which he knew could never be his. She was everything good…everything he was not.
“You don’t know me,” he said hoarsely.
Confidence shone in her eyes. “I do so.”
She crossed over to his side of the carriage, and he automatically reached out to steady her, his hand engulfing hers. She sat beside him, lacing her fingers with his and, bastard that he was, he couldn’t make himself let go. Bloody hell, he’d missed her. The connection between them had always felt right. Even as it was shifting, changing in ways that left him confused and torn, he could not deny himself the simple, exquisite pleasure of holding her hand.
“Is that why you’ve pushed me away?” she asked with her usual acuity. “Because you think you are not right for me?”
“IknowI am not,” he said darkly. “I am not a good man, Livy. My sins are such that they can never be erased. You deserve someone far better.”
“Let me be the judge of that. I am perfectly capable of deciding what I want. And I can tell you this: regardless of what you have done, you will always be a hero in my eyes.”
He gave a humorless laugh at hernaïveté. She was so sweet…and so damnedyoung.
You want to do the right thing?his inner voice challenged.Tell her the truth. Let her know the kind of man you truly are, and she will want nothing to do with you.
