“You never owed me anything,” he snapped.
She gave a tight nod. “Good-bye, then.”
He curled his hands as she exited the room, leaving him alone.
The way he’d always been.
Walking away from Ben was the hardest thing Livy had ever done.
It was not her habit to retreat from anything. To give up. Yet now even she had to admit defeat.
She managed to keep her composure until the carriage came round. She had to look away from the sympathy glinting in Hawker’s exposed eye for fear that she would break down. When he handed her up into the carriage, she saw that Charlie had come.
She sat stiffly beside her mentor.
Charlie studied her with calm grey eyes. “How did it go when you told him the truth?”
The irony didn’t escape Livy. After finally getting the other’s permission to tell Ben about the Society, the truth no longer mattered. The years with him flipped like pages through Livy’s mind: their friendship that had transformed into passion, their affection that had deepened into love. She’d been convinced that there would be a storybook ending for them, yet the pages of their future were…empty.
If you turn down my offer, I will not ask again.
“It’s over,” Livy said numbly. “You were right. I told Hadleigh, and he…he...”
The pain and grief came in a rush. Suddenly, she was sobbing.
“Oh, my dear. I am sorry,” Charlie said.
Charlie put an arm around her, and Livy wept for everything that had been and would never be. For herself and Ben. For the discovery that, no matter how hard one strived, some dreams could not be spun, nor some battles won.
36
After Livy’s departure, Ben was ill again, his body purging the remnants of the drug. He didn’t know which was more ragged: his emotions or his physical state.
Livy had broken things off with him. Left him.
After everything they’d shared, she was gone.
He sat at the table, his head in his hands. He speared his fingers through his hair, the small pain a welcome distraction from the aching hollow inside him. He felt…gutted.
How could Livy deceive me?His fury had slowly faded and in its place was something far worse. A feeling he was more than familiar with, but one he’d never thought to see in Livy’s eyes: resignation. The death of hope.
A knock sounded, and he dragged himself over to open the door.
It was Chen, looking crisp and dapper in a blue suit.
“I thought you could use a bath,” he said.
Servants carrying a tub and buckets of steaming water followed the healer into the room. After they set everything up behind a bathing screen, Ben gave himself a much-needed wash. It felt good, scrubbing away the accumulated grime. He felt nearly human again when he emerged, washed and dressed in a new set of clothes.
Chen waved him over to the table and felt his pulse.
“Better,” Chen said with a nod. “I still feel disturbance in the flow of yourqi, however. You are blocked in some way, my friend.”
“I feel like shite,” Ben said grimly.
“After being drugged and nearly drowning, it is to be expected.”
Ben’s chest tightened. “Not only because of that.”
