His confusion, the agonizing conflict within himself dissipated as he sought and found his harbor. The voice that won out was calm, collected. As the familiar feeling of control flowed through him, he felt the tension ease in his temples.
Everything will be all right. You’ll figure out what to do about De Villier. But first you must win Gabriella back, convince her that she belongs to you, by any means necessary.
She was his wife, and he loved her—he saw that now. Accepted it as one accepts that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. If anything, he regretted that he’d not realized it sooner. He’d let his history with Jessabelle spook him, make him afraid to recognize what was in his heart. What had been there for years.
But he wouldn’t run from love any longer.
Over the last weeks, things had changed in his marriage, yes…and he would use that to his advantage. Arousal stirred as he considered ways to stake his new claim. Now that he knew the passion that burned inside Gabriella, he would use it to bind her to him. Instead of his priorstupidplan of swaddling his marriage in routine, propriety, and restraint, he would use desire and the strength of their bond to protect her.
She would obey him when it mattered; he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Wouldn’t let the darkness of his world touch or harm a single hair on her head. This time, he wouldn’t let love end in pain and bitter regret.
With that in mind, he continued his story.
“Garrity led a gang of children. He was not a bad sort: he provided a roof over our heads, food for our bellies, and in return we helped him with various tasks. Scavenging and petty thievery, mostly. He did not abuse us, and he taught us the necessary skills to survive.
“Even as a boy, I was infatuated with Jessabelle,” he went on. “She was two years younger than me, a pretty blonde angel who could charm a bird from a tree. It was a useful skill when it came to swindling. She never learned to pickpocket for all she had to do was spin some Cheltenham Tragedy about why she needed money, and strangers would shower her with coins.”
Gabriella’s throat worked. “When did the two of you…?”
“I was twenty when I proposed to her. She accepted, but Garrity was against our union. In his eyes, we were his children and therefore brother and sister, although there were no blood ties between us. In the end, he kicked us out.” Adam recalled his mentor’s expulsion with bittersweet acceptance. “Jeannette left with us because she’d always been a protective older sister to Jessabelle. The three of us started over. Jessabelle and I got married, and I found work as a guard for a moneylender named Helmsley. He saw my potential, and I moved up the ranks quickly. My star was beginning to rise at the same time that my marriage began to sour.”
Gabriella bit her lip. “What happened?”
“Jessabelle grew bored with the long hours I spent away from her. She accused me of abandoning her, of infidelity, though I never broke my vows.”
He saw Gabriella’s teeth sink deeper, worrying her bottom lip, and knew that his sweet, sensitive wife had noted the parallel between her behavior and Jessabelle’s. It was a deliberate, ruthless move on his part to gain her empathy. In truth, there was no comparing the two situations. Jessabelle had been spoiled and demanding, using tantrums to manipulate him and get her way. Gabby gave everything of herself and only asked for what was rightfully hers in return.
Even as that new, raw part of him balked at using her tender-hearted nature against her, he steeled himself. It was necessary. There was more to share, the ugly part of his life that he’d never wanted Gabby to know. Yet she had to know it in order for her to understand and accept his actions. Thus, as he ventured forth onto the explosive-laden battlefield of his past, he needed the upper hand.
“We fought constantly,” he said, keeping his tone matter-of-fact, “and we made up just as often, just as...intensely.”
He saw the stain rising up his wife’s cheeks and wished he could protect her from the hurt he was inflicting. If he’d had to listen to her talk about another man touching her, he’d put his fist through a goddamned wall. But this was required history, and the best thing he could do was get it over with as quickly as he could.
“Jessabelle enjoyed carnal games. Coming from the stews, she was exposed to the variety of ways that pleasure could be found, and she was adventurous by nature.” He exhaled before continuing. “In particular, she was aroused by displaying herself in front of other men. Letting them see and lust after her while we fornicated.”
Gabriella’s jaw slackened. “Youallowedthat?”
He understood her shock. Because he’d kill any man who so much aslookedat her askance, and he was gratified that she knew that. That she knew he’d never allow anyone to share her pleasure. That she was his and his alone.
“I was a young man, and she was my first lover. I wanted to please her. And it was titillating at first,” he admitted. “Her sister worked at a club that specialized in bacchanals, and Jessabelle and I would go there sometimes and…join in. But the novelty soon wore off for me, and I realized that I’d never really wanted what she craved. I put my foot down, told her we wouldn’t be going back. I wanted us to settle down and start a family.”
“Did she agree?” Gabriella asked quietly.
“She paid lip service to the idea. But her discontent was there, festering, and I chose to ignore it. It’s no excuse, but I was dealing with a territorial war at work. Helmsley’s growing success was encroaching on that of O’Leary, a competitor, and the clashes became deadly and personal. Several of my colleagues were killed; I was part of the team that retaliated, taking down our enemy’s son. With that move, I sealed Jessabelle’s fate.”
Even now, the embers of guilt flared.I should have protected her. She was my responsibility, and I failed her. I had no business marrying her when I cared about my vengeance more.
A powerful man couldn’t let sentiment get in the way. De Villier had been right. Adam’s love for Jessabelle had weakened him, prompted him to make the wrong choice. If he hadn’t married her, she might still be alive today.
“What happened?” Gabby’s voice guided him back, mooring him in the here and now.
“We had one of our usual fights. I told her to stay put in the house because my enemies were everywhere. Then I left. I left knowing that she was angry, that in that state she was capable of anything.” He raked a hand through his hair. “There was a masquerade that night at the club where her sister worked, and Jessabelle went in disguise. She participated in the bacchanal until Jeannette recognized her, told her to go home to her husband. She never made it that far. I found her in a nearby alleyway.
“O’Leary and his men had raped her before they stabbed her. Before they left her to die in a pool of her own blood.” He met his wife’s eyes steadily as the old, helpless rage swirled inside him. “Even when I avenged her, when I slaughtered the men who’d done this to her one by one, I knew they weren’t responsible for Jessabelle’s death. I was.”
32
Seeingthe haunted look in Adam’s eyes, Gabby couldn’t help herself any longer. She crossed over to her husband, reaching up and taking his face in her palms.
