Out of nowhere, the dark images assailed him, smoke and fire obscuring his path, black waves churning his gut. A body arching over the cliff, falling, too late to reach…
“Gabriel?”
Her soft voice brought him back.
“Devil take it, I can’t put you at risk.” His fists balled. “If you get hurt because of me…”
“Nothing’s going to happen to me at a society luncheon.” Her gaze searched his. “But this isn’t just about me, is it?”
He said nothing.
“Tell me,” she urged. “I want to know. You can trust me.”
“Marius,” he said finally.
“You’ve mentioned him before.” Her brow furrowed. “He was your fellow agent. The one who was killed?”
“Because of me.” Guilt rushed, dark water under ice. “I got him killed.”
“What happened?” she said softly.
“After the defeat of Bonaparte, Octavian remained obsessed with hunting down French spies, including the Spectre. He was convinced that they could do harm to England still, and he was like mongrel with a bone.” Gabriel’s lips twisted. “Octavian received information that the Spectre had a lair on the coast of Normandy. He sent the Quorum to capture the spymaster. Pompeia didn’t show.”
“So that is why there’s bad blood between the two of you?” Thea said.
He gave a terse nod. “She abandoned us, left us shorthanded on a critical mission. The four of us went in without her. We were ambushed. Marius escaped, but Tiberius, Cicero, and I were captured. Interrogated.” His heart thudded hollowly. “Beaten.”
“Oh, Gabriel.”
He didn’t want her sympathy. Now that he’d reopened the wound, all he wanted was to let the festering drain out. “Things would have been a lot worse for us if Marius hadn’t mounted a rescue. He came back. Risked life and limb to save us.”
“He was a hero,” Thea murmured.
“Yes. He was the true leader of our group, more of a brother to me than my own had ever been. When I joined the Quorum, he showed me the ropes.”
Your temper is a liability, Trajan—unless you learn to harness it.How many times had Marius given him that advice? Gabriel’s throat convulsed as his old friend rose in his mind’s eye: a wiry fellow with sandy hair, pale eyes that had seen the worst of the world yet still looked for the best. Even in him.
“The night of the rescue, Marius broke into the compound and set off explosives. He set us all free, and we fought our way out. Tiberius and Cicero escaped, but I… I was in a blood rage. Even after I thought I killed the Spectre, it wasn’t enough. I wanted all of my enemy dead.”
“You weren’t in your right mind. After being a prisoner,” Thea whispered, “who would be?”
“Marius tried to make me leave. Stayed with me, dragged me out of the burning building,” Gabriel said woodenly. “Outside, the enemy surrounded us, and I don’t remember what happened next. Only that I killed them, all of them. And when I thought to look for Marius… it was too late.
“He was standing at the edge of a cliff. An enemy soldier had cornered him, pointing a pistol at him, and I couldn’t do anything. Couldn’t reach him. I watched him get shot and fall over the precipice.” His fists clenched at his sides. “By the time I’d killed that last bastard, there was no sign of Marius on the rocks below. The waves must have dragged his body out to sea.”
“Oh, my love.” Thea hugged him around the waist.
“Marius died because I lost control over my emotions. I lost my head, and my friend paid the ultimate price for it.” Slowly, his arms went around her, absorbing her warmth, letting her honeysuckle sweetness sustain him through the rest. “Around that time, my brother died, and I inherited the title. I decided to focus on my estate and duty. I wanted to put espionage behind me, to never spill another’s blood again. Octavian was not happy with my decision, but I didn’t give a damn. Our parting was not amicable.”
“God knows you’d given enough to your country.” Thea’s words emerged muffled from against his chest. “And you mustn’t blame yourself for doing your duty as a spy.”
“I murdered men in cold blood,” he said flatly. “You don’t find that abhorrent?”
“I find war abhorrent. I find what it does to good men abhorrent.” The golden warmth in her eyes flowed through him. “But never you, Gabriel.”
He surrounded her face with his palms. “Then don’t put me through hell. If you ever got hurt because of me… it would destroy me, Thea.”
“But the situations aren’t the same. I’m going to a tea party not an enemy stronghold.” She placed her hands over his. “No one is safe while the Spectre is at large. The best way to protect me is to let me help you catch him.”
