Finding herself under Em’s scrutiny, she tried to drag herself out of the vortex of panic. “Um, nothing’s the matter. Nothing at all.”
Given the scandalous reason for her hasty nuptials, she knew that her siblings had reservations about Sinjin. She’d tried to explain that it had been as much her fault as his—that she’d been just as carried away by the moment—but that didn’t overcome her family’s doubts entirely. The last thing she wanted was to give them any more reason not to welcome him into the fold.
“Then why are you as pale as a sheet? And if you gnaw on your lip any more, there’ll be none of it left.” Em placed her hands on Polly’s shoulders. “I may not have your acuity, dear, but I have known you all your life. You can talk about whatever is troubling you, you know.”
Faced with those maternal brown eyes, Polly could bear it no longer. She burst into tears.
Em held her until the storm passed. Afterward, she sat on the bed, surrounded by her sisters, and spoke haltingly of her fears.
“He d-didn’t even c-come see me for three days,” she sniffled into the handkerchief that Thea had handed her. “And when h-he did, he was so… s-somber.” At the memory of the darkness shrouding him, fear skated through her. She’d never seen him look sogrim.
“Did you ask him what the matter was?” Em said, frowning.
Nodding, she said, “He apologized profusely for what happened. For his, um, lack of self-control.” His remorse and disgust at himself had been evident, but there had been more to his gloomy aura… a despair that she didn’t understand. “He denied that anything else was wrong, but I couldseethat wasn’t true. Why wouldn’t he tell me what was truly bothering him? Unless what he’s upset about has to do with…”—her hand balled the linen—“me?”
“I wouldn’t jump to that conclusion,” Emma said prosaically. “You mustn’t forget that the day after the ball, he sent you that note explaining why he didn’t come straightaway. That he was busy making arrangements for the special license.”
That was true.
“And he did send you tokens of his esteem every day.” Thea gestured to the extravagant bouquets that perfumed Polly’s room.
“Thunder and turf, I’d call that king’s ransom she’s wearing more than atoken,” Vi put in.
Polly brushed her fingertips over the diamond and aquamarine bracelet and earbobs that he’d sent. The jewels had been accompanied by a brief message.
Kitten,
To match the ring and necklace but never your peerless eyes.
—S.
She’d slept with that note under her pillow all week. Still…
“Why does his manner seem so distant?” she said miserably.
“Maybe he’s trying to keep up appearances,” Vi suggested. “Crumpets, Polly, he compromised you on abalcony. I’m sure he doesn’t want to give the tongues more to wag about by showing up daily on your doorstep like an overeager bridegroom.”
Heat bloomed in Polly’s cheeks… but embarrassment felt better than despair.
“Despite Vi’s indelicate way of putting it,”—Em aimed an exasperated look at Vi, who responded with an unrepentant grin—“she does have a point. Revelstoke probably wanted to observe the proprieties and forestall any further gossip.” She paused, then muttered as if she couldn’t help herself, “Bit late to shut the barn doors, if you ask me.”
“There may be other reasons for his distance as well.” Thea patted Polly’s hand. “Before Tremont and I got married, he was behaving in a similar fashion, and I, too, interpreted it as a sign that he was having second thoughts about me. In fact, I believe I felt much as you are feeling right now.”
“You did? What made you feel better?”
“Tremont and I talked,” Thea said simply. “He made me understand that his aloofness wasn’t about me but his past. His uncertainty had to with himself, the sort of husband he’d make. Might that be true of Revelstoke?”
Polly thought about it. He had told her that he wasn’t an easy man to live with. He’d said that he disliked intimacy because, in his experience, it had led to disappointment. From what she’d learned about his family, she could understand his feelings. After all, he’d lost his brother and mama, the two people he’d been closest to.
And it was sadly telling that his other family members would not be in attendance at the wedding ceremony. She’d persuaded Sinjin to send invitations to the Actons, and he’d done so with clear reluctance. They’d sent terse regrets.
Given his history, would it be surprising if Sinjin felt uneasy committing his future to another’s? With a blaze of insight, she saw how similar they were. How, from the very beginning, his loneliness had resonated with her own. Whilst she undoubtedly had the advantage of a loving family, her affliction had taught her what it was like to be an outsider. To be rejected and abandoned.
Although Sinjin had been mobbed by adoring hordes, he himself had said that he’d only been sought after for his money and title, a night’s distraction. He’d never felt valued for himself—for who he truly was. For the intelligent, passionate, and honorable man Polly knew him to be.
“Sinjin is so popular and self-assured that sometimes I forget that he might have uncertainties, too,” she said with remorse. “That he is as human as I am.”
“Gracious, you’reeverybit as good as the earl,” Em said tartly. “Your trouble is that you’ve always underestimated your own worth. Indeed, if you have any doubts abouthim, Polly, it’s time to speak now.” Worried eyes searched her face. “I know you’re marrying under exigent circumstances, but if you’ve changed your mind, we’ll support—”
