“But why would you wish to hide your true self from the man you marry?”
Astonishment glimmered around Thea, and Polly understood why. Her sister, like the rest of her married siblings, shared uncommonly intimate relationships with their spouses. Thea and Tremont were so close that their auras were oft attuned, mirroring the others’ glow.
“Because I’m no stranger to rejection,” Polly said frankly, “and the thought of experiencing it at Sinjin’s hands—oh, Thea, it would be too much to bear.”
Thea studied her. “I could tell you again that you don’t have an affliction—that you are perfectly lovely as you are—but you wouldn’t believe me, would you?”
Of course her sister thought that. Polly’s family loved her unconditionally, which meant they didn’t see her as the rest of the world did.
“No,” she said honestly, “but thank you for thinking that.”
“And I could also say that, if Revelstoke truly cares for you as I believe he does, he wouldn’t reject you for any reason… but you wouldn’t believe that either?”
She wished she could believe it. She shook her head.
“Then only time will tell, little sister. But if I may pass on something I’ve learned? Love, like anything worthwhile, involves taking a risk. You’ll have to decide if Revelstoke is worth that risk to you. But in the meantime,”—Thea’s gaze went over Polly’s shoulder—“the purpose for today’s visit is headed this way.”
Polly turned to see Nigel lumbering toward her.
“Miss Kent.” He bowed, the movement straining the buttons of his waistcoat to an alarming degree. “I believe we are promised for a tour of the pond.”
He led the way across the scythed grass toward a wooded path at the end of which, he promised, lay the pond. By tacit agreement, Thea performed her chaperonage at a distance, staying several paces behind so that Polly could have the privacy to address the uncomfortable topic.
Before Polly could begin, however, Nigel launched straightaway into a discourse about his favorite subject. “As you know, I recently returned from an expedition in Sussex, where I purchased the most remarkable specimen.”
“Oh?” How could she subtly inform him that she was no longer interested in a courtship? If, indeed, they had ever engaged in one. The ambiguity of their relationship made her task all the more challenging, but she wanted to end whatever was between them in a respectful manner.
“An ichthyosaurus. A complete set, no less.” Excitement radiated from his sweat-sheened face.
“How, um, thrilling.” Gathering her courage, she said, “Mr. Pickering-Parks, I’ve recently made a discovery myself, and it concerns my future—”
“I beat out two other collectors in order to attain it. It was the highlight of my life,” he crowed.
“Speaking of highlights, I’ve recently made the acquaintance of—”
“But the ichthyosaurus pales in comparison to the new lead I received,” he said as if she hadn’t spoken at all.
The truth was that he’d always had the tendency to carry on his own conversation. Whereas she’d once welcomed his self-absorption—because it meant less of a focus on her—now she found it… exasperating. It wasn’t his fault that her preferences had changed, but she couldn’t deny that they had. She was no longer content with a one-sided relationship. A convenient and passionless match. She wanted… more.
Because of Sinjin.
From the start, even when she and he had butted heads, she’d felt that she had his undivided attention. Whenever they were together, even in a roomful of people, invisible filaments of awareness seemed to connect them. It was more than just physical attraction, though Lord knew there was plenty of that between them. He made her feel special, cared for—and, at the same time, she suddenly realized,terrified.
She was a girl who’d spent most of her life trying to avoid notice. Yet now she had the attention of the most compelling and attractive man she’d ever met, and he wanted to marry her… and all she had to do was say “yes.”
Love, like anything worthwhile, involves taking a risk, Thea had said.
Was Sinjin worth the risk of rejection and pain?
In the midst of Nigel’s droning, her heart gave the unequivocal answer. In truth, she didn’t know why it had taken her so long to come to the inevitable conclusion. Beneath her bodice, his pendant was warm and vital next to her skin.
I’m falling in love with Sinjin.
The knowledge flowed through her even as she realized there was really only one answer to her dilemma. It was too late to guard her heart where Sinjin was concerned—that ship had sailed—but she could marry him… as long as she kept her affliction hidden.
She appreciated Thea’s advice, but any risk she took would have to be calculated. She didn’t have a normal ailment like her sister; she, Polly, was a freak. One who’d already experienced the consequences of revealing her flaw to a man. Reminded of her folly with Brockhurst, she felt a quiver of fear; she prayed that he would take her secret to his grave.
If the notion of marrying Sinjin without telling him about her anomaly caused a stab of guilt, she reminded herself that he didn’twantintimacy. In fact, he’d insisted upon privacy for both of them… so really she was just going along with the rules that he’d set, wasn’t she? Sinjin had also said that he didn’t want love, so she would strive to keep her feelings to herself, to not make any emotional demands upon him.
