He pulls me towards the side where we aren’t creating quite the spectacle of ourselves, and I follow, still blinded and sluggish from our reunion.
Get your head in the game, Kara,Andrews’ voice fills my subconscious.
Owen navigates me towards a door, but stops at one of the smaller tables that line the walls. Like the dinner tables, they are shrouded in a white tablecloth, but these are bar height, allowing people to stand at them, the simple vases in the middle with a small flower display tying the decor together.
He finally let’s go of me and we stand in front of each other, the table between us.
I don’t speak.
Instead, I watch him. Owen looks intently at me, tracking over my body again, over my face, deep into my soul.
He’s making sure I’m okay.
It’s what we used to do as kids, after an episode when it was safe, after…he would claim me from the hiding spot he had put me in, and he would stare at me.
My cheeks would be tear stained, my teddy would still be in my hand, my little fist gripping it in a tight vice. But I’d be okay, because Owen would have hidden me.
Every time he would stare, and he would ask me with his eyes and a slight nod of his head whether I was okay. And that’s exactly what he’s doing now.
But I don’t nod.
Not like I used to.
Instead, I shake my head barely.
No.
Because I wasn’t okay, or at least I hadn’t been okay, because he abandoned me.
He broke his promise.
5
Owen - Age 8
“That’scheating.”Lucy’sfootstomps on the grass, and I can’t help laughing.
“It’s not, Cookie.”
“It is, Owen.” Her voice is shrill as she folds her arms over her chest. The little yellow, summery dress is covered with splotches of mud, making her look silly.
“You’ve got mud on your face.”
“Stop lying.” She kicks the grass, and I pick up my football and run towards her.
“I’m not lying. It’s right here on your nose.” I reach forward and rub at the mud splotch.
She’s six now, I’ve just turned eight.
And want to know a secret? She still cuddles Cookie, her teddy, at bedtime. I think she cuddles it more now…since James and Maria started fighting.
James gets super angry some evenings, and I see the way Lucy flinches. How her eyes go all distant like mine used to.
Memories.
Flash backs.
Flash, flash, flash.
