The way she looked at me as if I wasn’t something dangerous. Like I wasn’t a weapon waiting to be used.
The only few days in my entire life where I didn’t feel evil. I got to experience what loving Lily felt like, not just from a distance, but with her in my arms.
Maybe some men aren’t meant to be redeemed. We’re only meant to catch a glimpse of what goodness feels like, just close enough to recognize it, and then spend the rest of our lives knowing exactly what we lost.
Lily was that glimpse.
The proof that I could have been something else in this life. The only memory standing between me and the ground waiting to swallow me whole.
I close the bedroom door and let my back hit it hard, sliding down until I’m sitting on the floor.
I don’t sob. I don’t make a sound. I just let the tears come, like my body is betraying the man I’ve trained myself to be.
I don’t cry because she left me. I cry because I let her go.
I’ve lost the only piece of my soul that made life worth living.
And it’s no one else's fault but my own. And now I have to pretend until the day that I die that my heart didn’t turn to fucking stone today.
CHAPTER FORTY-NINE
Lily
“Do you want to just sit there? So we’re not cramped next to each other this time?” I ask, nodding toward the two empty seats across the jet. I keep my tone light, casual, like I’m not already bracing for impact.
“Fine.” He grunts, not even looking at me.
The word lands harder than it should. I swallow and force myself to keep breathing. I’m not sure why he’s so upset. He’s the one who was locking lips with some trashy hoe, like I was nothing more than a warm distraction that had already served its purpose.
“Cool. I’m just going to sleep. I didn’t get much.”
He nods. Then his bloodshot eyes finally lift to mine, and my chest tightens. He doesn’t look angry. He looksruined.
I glance down at the black carpet between my feet, suddenly fascinated by its texture.
“Lily,” he whispers.
I plaster on a smile that feels brittle, like it might crack if I hold it too long.
“I can explain everything.”
My pulse spikes. So he knows. He knows I saw him. He knows I’m being a coward by pretending I didn’t.
“Drago.” I straighten my spine, forcing the words out before I lose my nerve. “I didn’t say anything because you can do whatever you want, with whoever you want. We were both being silly, thinking this was something else, or at least I was. I don’t want your explanations. Your excuses. It doesn’t change the fact that you and I are too complicated. Too different. It’s not worth it.”
He exhales slowly, like the air is being dragged from his lungs against his will. “I’m not worth it, you mean.” He mutters, running his hand over his jaw. His handsome face filled with regret.
The words hit so close to the truth that it nearly undoes me.
My eyes burn, but I refuse to let him see that. Seeing him kiss her hurt. Loving him could destroy me. I can’t survive another thing that breaks me open.
“Do you think we can just get along while I have to live with you? Then once this mess is over, I’ll go back to my life without making a fuss.”
“Yeah. Easy as that.”
Ouch.
“Okay.” I force the corners of my mouth up again. “Let’s leave Monaco in the past?”
